Letting Go of Words I Don't Like and Softening Up | My Lesson ①

Hello. For many years now, I have made it a habit to set a theme for a 'personal lesson' every six months.
As a hairdresser, this is more of a 'practice in living' than anything else.

Today, I would like to introduce one of those lessons.
The theme I set for myself was very simple.
It was to 'avoid using negative words as much as possible'.

Especially in work conversations, if I received negative words, I would usually try to respond positively. Instead of saying, 'That must have been tough,' I would convert it into something like,
'You are actually amazing for having overcome that,' trying to refresh the atmosphere.

At one point, while talking with a client, I realized something.
'Wait, do you perhaps not use the word "muka-tsuku" (annoying/pissing me off)?'
When I asked, they replied casually, 'No, I don't use it.'
I was so impressed by how wonderful that was.

From then on, I started feeling a slight discomfort with my own words, and that led me to start this lesson.

I decided to consciously stop using the two words: 'mendokusai' (troublesome) and 'muka-tsuku' (annoying).

To be honest, I had been using these two words quite unconsciously until then.
They were really convenient for someone with a limited vocabulary, and they could express emotions in an instant...
But at the same time, I didn't really like the feeling that remained inside me after using them.
For some reason, I realized that.

So, the first thing I decided was to properly replace 'mendokusai' with another word.
The word I chose was 'tema' (effort/hassle).
(It is important to choose a word that feels right to you.)

The moment I think, 'Oh, this is mendokusai,' I rephrase it to,
'Oh, this takes some effort.'
It was just that, but at first, it required a surprising amount of consciousness.

Here, there is one thing I was careful about: I only did this within my own emotional expressions.

I did not go out of my way to rephrase the word 'mendokusai' when the person I was talking to used it.
I thought that doing so could sometimes come across as imposing my own correctness or seem pretentious.

I think many people are already conscious about 'trying not to use' negative words, and I think that is truly wonderful.
However, what I felt after trying it myself was that 'not using' them alone would eventually hit a limit.

If you lose the words to express your emotions, conversations become unnatural, or you end up swallowing what you want to convey. That makes honest communication difficult to establish.

That is precisely why, instead of 'not using' them,
'Rephrasing them'

And, I thought it was important not to be vague about that rephrasing, but to decide on it properly for myself.
(If it's not a bad-sounding word, maybe saying 'tema-tema~' a lot is also an option.)
This lesson required a lot of consciousness for the first 2-3 months and was quite tough. (I like ascetic training, after all.)
Taking a beat in my head to re-select my words.

Honestly, there were times when it was a bit tiring.

But strangely enough, as I continued, it gradually became natural.
Before I knew it, there were more days where I forgot I was even doing the lesson.
'Forgetting' might mean that it has become a part of me.

Around the time I started to think that, I began to feel changes within myself little by little.
Then, about a year later, one day,
The topic of this lesson came up in a conversation with a client.

'Come to think of it, before you used to often say ~"?!?!?!"'
'Um, the word I rephrased to 'tema' (effort)...'

'...'
The word wouldn't come out.
I didn't know what I was trying to say. The word I should have wanted to say didn't exist in my head. For a moment, I was genuinely confused.
(Of course, there is a high possibility that it was just my brain deteriorating. Haha.)

But at that moment, something welled up from deep within my heart.
'Ah, maybe I really have changed.'
I still clearly remember the joy and the quiet realization of growth I felt when I thought that.

(Though, I couldn't explain it to the client... It took me about an hour of racking my brain to finally remember it.)
Words create thoughts.
Thoughts create attitudes.
Attitudes create the quality of life.

And, I feel like my days have become a little softer. Through this lesson, I realized that once again.
I feel intuitively that I might be reducing unpleasant discomfort in my conversations with clients. I believe this is one of the reasons why clients continue to visit me for a long time.
I will write about the other word on another occasion.

Lessons to refine oneself are not flashy. But they have the power to change your life quietly and surely.

Believing that, I intend to continue my own lessons from here on out.

Thank you as always.

Thank you for reading until the end.

Have a great day today, too.