When Telling a Story

There is something I have been thinking about for quite a while.
"Maybe I shouldn't be writing plots."

Up until now, well, let's see, until "Shall We Go to the Calm Sea" from, I think, the 3rd or 4th Kakuyomu Contest... I was a person who didn't write plots.
I don't think I had plots for "Wind Country (Laetitia)" or "Resonate to You, Song of the Stars Crossing the Heavens" either.
They became quite popular, and because I was writing them after the fact to meet the expectations of readers who wanted to see what happened next, there were inconsistencies, which was tough. There were some pretty big mistakes, too.
When I just wrote away, the timeline of the long-form fantasy became a real mess... It was a story spanning three generations.
(The side story to "Wind Country" is "Pharmacist Apprentice Leona Falls in Love with the World's Strongest.")

Around that time, I started making plots.
Great authors make plots, and I assume most authors in the world probably do too.
Besides, the phrase "I'm making a plot" itself sounds cool, doesn't it?
It sounds like an author.

So, I made a lot of plots.
Ideas come to me infinitely. That's a lie. They are finite. Just moderate, I'd say.
All that's left is to write along with them.
It's perfect. Finishing a masterpiece is just around the corner.

But, it's not interesting.
It's not fun to write. So the pace slows down, and I end up thinking, 'Oh, forget it...'
I'm fickle, after all. Maybe I just get satisfied.

I want to just keep writing a story that wasn't thought up in my head.
I want to manifest into this world a story born from my heart that no one knows.
While writing, I want to be excited by a story I'm reading for the first time, thinking, 'So that's how it was!', 'That plot point connected here!',
'That's a good line...', 'This person seemed cold at first, but they were actually kind', 'Wow, this food looks delicious', 'Wait, isn't that guy suspicious?'

Maybe I shouldn't be writing plots.
I don't want to write a story where the ending is already clear.
I think that is my true feeling. That's why I want to write, but I don't want to write.
Writing is the same as reading. I want to encounter an interesting story.
So, I feel like writing plots doesn't suit me, as I am the type who gets possessed by the story.

Of course, considering the word count and page count, writing a plot is easier to understand.
I know that, but...

Something like an author diagnosis I did on Nola the other day

Looking at this, I thought, 'Maybe the way of just writing down what I feel as it is... is fine?'

By the way, perhaps because the stories I write are too realistic, people think they are true stories. Why!?

People think I'm Ai from "Shall We Go to the Calm Sea" (who has Bipolar I Disorder, awakens to the truths of the universe, and tries to buy land to build a church) and say, "That must have been tough..." or when I write about a psychiatric ward, they say, "How can you write about such things?"... No, I will write, I'll write anything if necessary, but why does everyone think it's all a true story?
Also, the protagonist is my younger sister Rinko, so why do you think that's me?

Until a few years ago, I would occasionally go out with men in real life, but if a man I was getting along with liked reading, there was a high probability he would say, "Let me read it!"
I hate it when "someone I'm getting along with" reads my work.
I've had many unpleasant experiences.
That's why I don't talk much about writing novels, but if I happen to let it slip, they say, "I really want you to let me read it." Everyone is persistent.
Since I am an author, I have a strong desire for people to read my work, so I would say, "Well, okay..." and let them read it.
Then they would say things like, "I don't have the confidence to protect you..."
The worst ones would cut off all contact the same day.
Why! This work is fiction!!! Any resemblance to actual persons (omitted) is purely coincidental.