I want to die
Have you ever thought that? I have. (I'm not joking)
"I want to die"
When thoughts like that, or what's called "suicidal ideation," come up, what do you all do?
Huh?
"I don't do anything!"
I understand. It's a terrifying symptom precisely because it's not something you can just deal with.
I also want to die immediately due to slight changes in my physical condition or things that happen.
Some are impulsive, while others are persistent (and troublesome) without any particular trigger or reason.
Well, the cause of the persistent (troublesome) type is usually "sleep" in most cases.
Are you asking, "So, what do you do?"
While taking medication that had no effect and actually spurred on the suicidal ideation, I lay down, asked GPT "What is suicidal ideation?", and scribbled it down in my notebook as knowledge, taking the opportunity to do so.
Huh?
Are you asking, "Did the suicidal ideation eventually go away?"
There's no way it would go away, right? (laughs)
However, what I want to convey this time is that the symptom that makes you think "I want to die" often has "nothing to do with your own will."
To put it very simply, suicidal ideation is just a "nervous system glitch." This includes parts of the autonomic nervous system as well.
Just as menopause and the rebellious phase are caused by hormonal balance, suicidal ideation can also be caused by the balance of your nerves.
When I am attacked by symptoms of suicidal ideation, I think things like, "Am I going to waste my time on a mere nervous system glitch?"
That said, the fear of suicidal ideation is that it still makes you think "I want to die" without mercy.
I cannot state how to deal with it, but please just know this.
"That, I don't think that's your own feeling."
That's it.
If you are in excellent physical condition, your sleep quality is fine, and your appetite is fine, would a painful event directly lead to "I want to die"? I think the possibility is sufficiently low.
Why? Because for a person whose nerves are in order, "death" is the furthest thing away, and it is often the "last resort" when everything has collapsed.
Don't you often hear words like this?
"Please cherish yourself."
Eat good food, play, move your body, and sleep well.
That's what it means.
I suppose it means we should nourish ourselves and regulate our hormones and autonomic nervous system.
When you say, "To begin with, I don't have the energy or physical strength to go outside!"
I understand.
For now, don't blame yourself for all your troubles, just wear a belly warmer, hug a hot water bottle, and sleep warmly.
No appetite?
Drink protein to supplement your nutrition. (Follow the recommended dosage)
Can't fall asleep?
Cut back on caffeine.
Lonely?
That's the default (actually, everyone is equipped with that as standard).
Things like that, you know? Usually, just by categorizing what is happening to you as either "hormonal balance," "nerves," or "nutrition," you can often be freed from vicious cycles and loop thinking.
Can you stay still when your body is full of energy? Humans are built to "operate" simply by having their physical condition improve.
People often think that "suicidal ideation" can only be improved if the environment is right, and that it's something you can only address "after" improving your environment, but in reality, there's no need to get hung up on that; taking care of yourself is often the shortcut.
As I mentioned earlier, when your physical condition is in order, you will start to take action.
In other words, it becomes easier to deal with the things that make you feel miserable.
You will no longer want to stay in a place where you feel uncomfortable.
Because you will start to feel that it's okay not to stay there.
When you are hospitalized, I recommend focusing on "improving your physical condition" rather than just symptom improvement. I believe that leads to the improvement of symptoms.
So, it is not your fault. There is nothing wrong with you.
Thank you very much.