A "Procedure" for Those Who Blame Themselves for "Not Being Able to Do Normal Things"
I believe that the reason you blame yourself for "not being able to do things normally" is proof that you wish to
live sincerelylive sincerely both with yourself and with the world around you.
If you were truly a careless person,
you would just brush off what you can't do with a "whatever."
The fact that you cannot do that and feel pain is because
you have not abandoned yourself.
Why don't we take a moment to organize the background of that psychology and learn how to blame yourself correctly?
Nice to meet you. Or, welcome back.
I am Kawazu.
First, let's look at three reasons why you "blame yourself for not being able to do normal things."
1. The trap of the word "normal"
The word "normal" is
actually very vague, and cruel.
The "normal" that we imagine is, in many cases,
the ideal we envision, a 100-point image
the "successful parts" of someone we see on social media
It is often a non-existent standard cobbled together from these things.
By comparing your living, breathing self to that fictional average,
an illusion is created that "only I am inferior."
2. The fear that "not being able to do things normally = losing your place"
"If I can't do things normally, I'll be hated."
"If I can't do things properly, I'll be abandoned."
It is not rare for people to unconsciously harbor such feelings.
As a result,
you blame yourself before others can blame you.
This is not a weakness, but a mental defense mechanism.
By saying "I know I'm no good" first,
you are trying to protect yourself so you won't get hurt any further.
3. Viewing yourself through a point-deduction system
'Doing things normally is the baseline (0 points)'
'If you can't do it, it's a minus'
When you live by these standards,
no matter how hard you try, a moment to appreciate yourself never arrives.
What you have accomplished is overlooked,
and only what you couldn't do piles up.
This just causes your heart to wear down unilaterally.
โ Re-evaluating 'not being able to do normal things' through the lens of traits
The things you struggle with, the 'not being able to do normal things,'
can be seen as these qualities if you change your perspective.
Can't speak up โ Can think deeply about the impact on others
Slow at work โ Can face tasks carefully without being sloppy
Lack of quick wit โ Try to understand the essence rather than the surface
Can't say no โ Can value harmony and people's feelings
You are not 'unable to do' things;
you might just be too thorough, and out of sync with today's fast-paced society.
โ How to reduce 'self-blame' starting now
1. Give yourself permission to be '30% okay'
The more you aim for a perfect 100, the more paralyzed you become.
For now, 'submitting at 30%' or 'sharing at 30%' is fine.
And if possible, try to grade yourself using an 'additive method'.
2. Change 'refusing' into 'consulting'
Instead of saying 'I can't do it,'
for example,
'I can't do this for this reason, so may I give up on it?'
'I have another task right now, which one should I prioritize?'
If you convey 'I can't do it' in the form of a consultation,
this is no longer running away;it is an adjustment.
3. Just noticing that you are 'blaming yourself' is enough
When you notice, 'I'm blaming myself again,'
try to be impressed, saying, 'Oh, so this is amental defense mechanism'.
You don't have to stop it.
But just by noticing, you can calm down a little,
and it also serves as a little bit of learning.
โ In the first place, 'normal' is impossible
Just because someone is fast at work and efficient,
it does not mean that being insensitive to other people's feelings is 'normal'.
You,
even if it takes time, are facing the world with sincerity.
That is a way of life that has real value.
In the first place, there is no such thing as a person who is 'normal' in every way.
'Being better than normal' also varies depending on the scale.
Instead of an illusory normal,why not aim for achievable and meaningful goals?
โ In conclusion
Do you think 'normal = average'?
This is dangerous.
It is often talked about in terms of savings, etc.,
but it is said that if you want to know what is 'normal',
it is better to look at the 'median'.
This is because the average can be skewed significantly upward
just by having one incredibly wealthy person.
But isn't it too difficult
to visualize the median?
In the first place, how would one even go about investigating the median...
Even if there were such a thing as 'normal', it changes over time.
There was a time when people said, 'Normally, a hamburger costs 100 yen'.
If someone says, 'You should be able to do this normally',
you can just take a step back and think, 'That person has their own unique set of values'.
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For those who cannot do what 'anyone can do', rather than what is 'normal'.
Try writing down 'why you cannot do it'.
The text you write down will become a guide for others
who 'cannot do what anyone can do'.
And if there is no mentor,
you could also say that you cannot do it because you are a pioneer.
When I have Chappy edit my work, it immediately gets turned into
'that is enough' tadpole.
[Excerpt from the original text after this editing]
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Within today,
please try to find just one thing that you can think,
'I couldn't do it normally, but I did at least this'.
Even if it's just a greeting,
even if it's just one email,
that is enough.
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Hmm, I didn't say anything like that though ๐ธ
Or rather,
'I couldn't do it normally, but I was able to greet someone.'
Isn't it too difficult to build a mindset that says that alone is enough...?
Thank you for reading until the end, tadpole!
Look forward to the next time~