The 'Overthinking Syndrome' and Writing for Myself

Momo-momo.
Good morning.

I couldn't sleep for some reason, so this is the morning of my third day on four hours of sleep.
I'm feeling pretty spaced out.

If you feel like it, please tell me some ways to fall asleep better.
Oh, and make them as simple as possible, please. (I know, I'm being demanding.)

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Anyway, my sleep situation doesn't really matter, so please just ignore that.

Let me talk just a little bit about how relieved I felt, thinking, 'Oh, so I'm not the only one. Thank goodness.'

The main theme of the article is what Pan-san values when writing.
And, in the second half, this sentence was added.

'Wow, I kind of get that feeling.'

To begin with, it's not like I have the exact same feeling as Pan-san (the author of the note I introduced).
I fell into a similar feeling, got completely stuck in it, and now my writing has stopped. (lol)

It might be rude to say, but I felt a bit relieved that someone else has a similar feeling.

I've taken the liberty of calling this 'Overthinking Syndrome'.

(It's a term I coined, so you won't find it if you Google it.)

And then, my writing stops.
Inside my head, a locomotive without brakes is running wild, puffing out steam (heating up my brain).

In my case, it's truly troublesome when this appears in my note or my work (as a writer).

I use an incredible amount of energy trying hard to put it into words well.
I write while spraying not just brain juice, but blood as well.

So, when I look back at the text I've written.
The feeling of trying a bit too hard to make it sound clever just overflows.

Ah. I've done it again, haven't I?

It feels like my brain is only the size of a 'kabosu' citrus, but I'm trying to squeeze out as much juice as a 'jumbo orange,' resulting in a bitter, nasty juice that includes the astringency of the peel.

I've managed to squeeze out a decent amount of information, but there's this intense 'astringency' to it.

But still.
This is a piece of writing I poured my life into.
That's why, even if it feels a bit off, I feel attached to it and can't bring myself to throw it away.

After all, I've got blood splattered all over it.

'Maybe, just maybe, it'll strike a chord with the reader' (Is 'maybe' even a dead word now?)

Muttering things like that, I often end up sending it out into the world just as it is.

However, I've recently realized that if I have the courage to cut out that 'astringency,' it becomes a better piece of writing.

Trusting this note from Kotoba to Kokoku, I decided to give it a try.
I completely erased the 'astringency (concerns)' I felt from my overthinking syndrome and tidied up the text a little.

And lo and behold.
It feels very well-composed. A good piece of writing.

That's what happened.

Oh, just to clarify, my definition of a 'good piece of writing' isn't an article that gets widely read or shared.
It's more the image of writing that retains value as a 'record of my own path.'

I feel like I'm overthinking things already, so I'm going to go have some coffee and take a break.

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Yes. I'm back now. (Talk about freedom.)
Well then, let's continue.

You know how 'bitterness' in an orange comes from the 'peel,' right?
I have a feeling that it becomes 'bitter' because we try to 'express deeply' things we only know on a superficial level.

In short, since I'm writing about things I don't understand, it's a 'gentle lie.'
At least to me.

Because it's a lie, I think that's why I felt like, 'This doesn't sit right...' or 'This feels so bitter...'

When I look back at it, I naturally want to delete it.
I leave it there because I've accepted that even that is a 'record of my growth.'

Perhaps I can look back at those 'bitter' pieces of writing and think, 'Wow, I was really putting on a front.'

But,when I look back at 'bitter' writing, even I can't empathize with it,you know?
Even though I'm writing about myself.

It honestly makes no sense, and it feels kind of cringey. lol

So, I shouldn't try to 'delve too deep' or try to 'teach' anyone anything.
I feel like I might be able to create better writing if I just boldly cut out the 'bitterness.'

I just sort of thought that.

Values change all the time, after all.
From the perspective of a final conclusion, it might look like a 'lie.'

But if it's writing where I can think, 'That was my answer at the time,' then I can honestly feel my own growth, right?

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Even as I write this, I've been on the verge of being struck by 'overthinking syndrome' several times, so it really is a 'syndrome.' (Managed to pull myself back together)

I hope I can continue to string words together with that kind of mindset for a while.
Well, it's a kind of wish. (lol)

I'll probably write something similar at least five more times in the near future. (History repeats itself)

Well, if I'm aware of it now, I guess that's fine.