My Mother

Before my mother passed away, she apparently said this to my older sister.

"Love is nothing but an illusion."

My sister, who was twenty at the time, was apparently very confused as to why she would say such a thing to her.
My mother also said something to me before she died. Since I am supposed to keep that a secret from my sister, I am being a good girl and staying silent.
I am staying silent, but like the king's ears, sometimes it is hard to keep quiet, so I have decided to write it down here.

My mother had solar dermatitis. In modern terms, a UV allergy. When she was exposed to sunlight, her skin would immediately become inflamed.
That is why sunscreen, gloves, and a parasol were essential when she went out. Even on hot summer days, she had to wear long-sleeved jackets, which I imagine was very difficult.
In addition, back then in the Kanto region, parasols were seen as something used by pretentious people. If it were today, my mother probably wouldn't have been looked at strangely, but back then, she apparently had to deal with all sorts of annoying comments.
I cannot help but sneer when I see modern Japanese people obsessively worrying about getting tanned, using parasols even in winter to avoid the sun. I think to myself, if you're going to do it, do it thoroughly, but since nothing happens to them when they are exposed to the sun, it is understandable that someone who was standing in the shade with a parasol, turning their back to the sun, would just sit in a window seat as soon as they got on a bus.

Even a while after my mother passed away, when I walked with someone, I would find myself instinctively trying to let them have the shade. The arcades in shopping streets have skylights, so on sunny days, the sun shines through, and you cannot let your guard down.
Every time I think that I don't have to do that anymore, I feel sad.

It was in the spring.
My mother was hospitalized in the spring, so everything happened in the spring, but it was in the spring. At that time, I had bought some Cocoon ice cream that was popular between the two of us, and we were eating it together in her hospital room.
I don't remember how the conversation led to this. My mother said:

"Nao-chan, your mother has solar dermatitis, you know."

At that point, I wasn't called Pachiko yet, so that was what I was called. "Yeah," I replied, letting the ice cream melt in my mouth.

"Actually, that's not true."

I think I said, "Huh?" or "What?"
I wondered what she was talking about, but this person often said things that made me wonder what she was talking about. She only ever said strange things.
I think I wrote before that my sister says incomprehensible things, that she is the strange one, that I am not the strange one, and that I am who I am because of that sister.
In reality, that is not the case.
My mother is the strange one. To begin with, because my mother is strange, my sister is also strange, and I just look like I am strange too because I am caught in the crossfire.
Anyway, that strange mother said:

"You must not tell your sister or your father about this."

She was so serious that I earnestly said, "Okay." I had been told and deceived by silly jokes like this many times before, but it was my habit as a mama's girl to believe whatever my mother said. That was because my mother was my everything, my whole world.

"Actually, I'm a vampire."

"...A vampire?"

At the time, I didn't know much about vampires. So, I genuinely didn't understand what my mother was talking about. I felt like I had read about them in stories, but I wasn't good with scary stories, so I only had a vague idea.

"Vampires are weak to sunlight, you know. Did you know that? If they are exposed to the sun, they burn and fester."

Oh, is that so? I was surprised. I'm sure I must have had a surprised look on my face. It was true that my mother would fester if she was exposed to the sun! My mother seemed satisfied with my reaction.

"Wait, th-then, am I a vampire too?"

Mother looked away with a sad expression.

"Not as much as me, but you're not good with the sun, right? You turn bright red when you get sunburned, and you don't like bright lights or the heat, do you?"

"Wait, i-is my sister different...?"

My sister's skin was dark, and I heard she was always tanned pitch-black when she was a child. There was no way she could be a vampire.

"Your father is a normal human."

Well, of course he is! Father was raised on an island and spent his life running around the sea and mountains.

"Wait, th-then, what about Grandma and the others...? Are my aunts all vampires too...?"

"Grandma is the real deal."

"The real deal!?"

"Shh," Mother said.

"You can't speak so loudly. It would be a disaster if people found out, wouldn't it?"

I covered my mouth with my hand and nodded.

"Grandma is the real deal, but Grandpa is human. That's why everyone is a little bit like that, or not at all."

I see, so it's like being half-vampire, I thought. I didn't have the concept of being a quarter-vampire yet, so I didn't really understand what I was.

"B-but, don't vampires drink blood...?"

"We aren't the real thing, so... you don't have to worry about what you eat. But... you understand that the sun is the only thing that's off-limits, right?"

Yeah, I nodded. I know how much Mother has struggled, so I understand perfectly.

"It's possible that you, Nao-chan, might eventually become unable to handle the sun, too."

Huh? I was confused, but I also thought that might be true. I heard that even Mother was fine in the sun when she was young. Apparently, she became unable to handle it a while after my sister was born.

"And then..."

My mother continued, looking a bit hesitant.

"We aren't good with dogs."

Huh? I raised my voice again, so my mother scolded me, telling me to be quiet.

"That's why Grandma always said dogs were no good, you understand?"

No, I don't understand. Well, I do understand, but... I am not good with dogs. Just seeing a dog makes me feel bad, and even if I'm walking on the other side of the street, I get so scared that I stop in my tracks. That is because, ever since I was a child, my mother would always use dogs to threaten me, saying that if I wasn't a good girl, a dog would come, or that a dog would bite me, conjuring up imaginary dogs that didn't even exist. However, that was because my grandmother had been disciplining my mother since she was a child by saying the same things—that a dog would bite her or that a dog would come. Because my grandmother kept talking about dogs, my mother became afraid of dogs, and I became afraid of dogs too.

However, there is a contradiction in this story. Just a few years ago, when my grandmother built a new house, she started keeping a dog. It was a Shiba Inu. Can you imagine how much my mother's and my faces twitched when we went to visit my grandmother's house? To us, my grandmother said calmly,

"Once you try keeping one, you know, they're cute. Look."

She said 'look,' but I was too scared to go near it. Of course, my mother didn't go near it either. The name was something simple like Taro or something.

"No, Grandma, you're keeping a dog."

Oh that, my mother sighed, looking troubled.

"Grandma is the real thing, you see."

Does being the real thing mean you can keep a dog? And wait, are vampires not good with dogs? Was that part of the lore? There were too many things to question, but my mother had such a serious look on her face that I didn't know what or how to ask. So, I just convinced myself, 'I see, I don't really get it, but I guess that's the kind of vampire she is.'

"Like I said at the beginning, your sister and father are normal people. You must not tell them this story. Of course, you must absolutely never tell anyone outside."

What else could I do but say I understood?

The other day, when I was feeling unwell, my sister was thinking about food that would help me regain my strength.

"How about something like garlic?"

"No, I can't eat garlic."

Garlic is hard on my stomach. Even just the flavor of garlic is quite heavy on my stomach. If I were to eat a piece of garlic, my stomach would hurt. That's why I answered that way. My sister said 'What?' and was lost for words.

"Huh? What is it?"

"Oh, ah, ah, I, I was surprised, I thought you were someone born that way..."

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