Seaside Town Fragment 1

She slid the sliding door open as smoothly as a cat and sat down right beside me. Then, she stared at me for a moment and, as always, tilted her head with a completely expressionless face.

People who don't know her well look at her strangely, perhaps thinking she has no emotions. I have overheard people saying things like that a few times. But in that moment, looking into eyes that simply reflected me, I felt relieved. A forced look of sympathy is, surprisingly, quite exhausting.

However, to my surprise, she wrapped her arms around me. It was a bit rough, so it felt more like I was being hoisted than embraced.

While I was still bewildered, she clumsily patted my head and then my back, tap, tap, tap. With the gentlest touch she could muster.

"It's going to be okay."

Hearing that, the feelings I had been holding back suddenly overflowed.

"It's okay, it's okay, don't worry."

One after another, they spilled over the edge, pouring out endlessly.

"I'm here with you, so it's going to be okay."

There was almost no emotion in her words. Even so, I wept for a while, thinking of her being here with me now, and of my grandmother who raised her.

Once I had calmed down to some extent, she awkwardly pulled away. Then, she said, "Before."

"You did this for me."

When I looked up, she was looking at the small, mossy garden between us and my grandmother's house with a slightly more anxious expression than usual. The old glass was strangely warped everywhere, and it was already night. Even if something were in the already dim garden, it would be hard to see.

"When Mom disappeared."

Ah, I chuckled a little.

"Was that so?"

Yeah, she nodded seriously.

"Mom said it was like that for her, too."

Huh? I let out a puzzled sound.

"When Mom's mom disappeared."

She nodded more seriously and looked at me. This time, I was deeply bewildered by the light of strong will in her eyes, the kind I usually only see when she is facing a machine.

So, this time, it's my turn.

Yeah, I said, looking down, and cried again. While crying, I said thank you over and over. She probably only knew that, so she kept telling me it would be okay.

I will be okay. I have always been okay until now.

The one who is not okay is her. She looks like she is living alone, but in reality, she is detached from what we call life.

Even if I told her to go back to her parents' home, she wouldn't, and even if she did, there's that father and brother of hers.

It's not that they are bad people. It's not that they shun her, either. They, too, generally lack the ability to manage daily life.

Both of them hole up in some university lab or other and don't think twice about not coming home. In the first place, it's doubtful whether they even have a concept of 'home'—not in the sense of a building, but in the sense of a family. The only reason they managed to be a family at all was because of my sister.

To an outsider, it might look like they've fallen apart, but strangely enough, they are connected. Even though they don't contact each other at all, don't meet, and even now, they aren't coming here.

Before I knew it, I was thinking about such things calmly, even while crying.

I also have to decide what to do with my grandmother's shop. I had been helping out temporarily, but since she is no longer here, it's not really 'helping' anymore.

That said, I have my own job and a life in a different place. I could let it go, but I just can't bring myself to make that decision right now.

Come to think of it, my grandmother was that old. I knew this would happen. It's different from my mother or my sister.

And yet, I believed.

I wanted to believe.

I didn't want to face reality.

That, eventually, my grandmother would be gone.

Even though I have gone through partings so many times.

The next morning, I decided to put up a notice.
If it doesn't work out, I'll close the shop.

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