[My First Note] How I Lost My Ability to Speak My Mind, and How I Am Reclaiming My Feelings | Self-Introduction

Nice to meet you. My name is Riko.
Thank you for opening this note.

I got married at 21 to my husband, who was six years my senior.
Looking back, I think I was quite a selfish woman who
spoke exactly what was on her mind.

We fought often, but
my husband was always the type of person who would accept my selfishness in the end.

I only had three years with him.
That is because my husband developed cancer and passed away after a year of battling the illness.
At that time, our son was only a year and a half old.

“I don’t want to be seen as a pitiful parent and child.”
With that thought in mind, I have raised my child on my own.

I have to make decisions by myself.
I don’t want to be a burden to others.
I want to be seen as someone who has it all together.

As I lived prioritizing those things,
before I knew it, I could no longer listen to my own feelings,
nor could I express my true thoughts.

What I want to share in this note

I believe there is always a reason for the distress felt by those who have been trying so hard.

It is just that the reason has not been put into words,
and often people end up convinced that
“It’s because I’m weak”
or “It’s because I’m no good.”

In this note,
while putting into words my own past experiences and
what I was truly feeling at those times,

I will unravel why it was so painful,
and why I became unable to express my true feelings.

I will untangle these things, one by one.

What I will be writing about in this note is

・The process of becoming unable to speak my mind
・Why those who have worked hard are more prone to suffering
・The habit of thought that leads to constantly conforming to others
・The options that become visible by putting vague feelings into words
・The realizations I’ve had while gradually reclaiming my own feelings

Things I will “absolutely not do”

🔸 Tell you that you must raise your self-esteem
🔸 Tell you that you will feel better if you think this way
🔸 Tell you that you must face your past

I will not write words that are based on the premise of
denying who you are right now.

Because I believe that the very fact that you have lived this far,
even while struggling,
even while feeling that things weren’t going well,
is proof that you have done your best in your own way.

The time that seemed like a detour
was not a failure,
nor was it a mistake.

I believe that these are the results of the struggles and choices I made in my own way at each moment.
I believe that these are the results of the struggles and choices I made in my own way at each moment.
I believe that these are the results of the struggles and choices I made in my own way at each moment.

To gradually put into words the feelings that I definitely felt at the time, but could not express.
To gradually put into words the feelings that I definitely felt at the time, but could not express.
To gradually put into words the feelings that I definitely felt at the time, but could not express.

As I continue to do this, I begin to see my true feelings that I hadn't even noticed myself,
and eventually, I become able to convey my true intentions
in my own words.
in my own words.

Being able to express your true feelings in your own words.
And being able to convey them little by little.

I believe that is
the first step toward "making life more enjoyable"I believe that is
I believe that is