The Time I Spent Doing Nothing Helped Me
I am using this note to document the process of healing my mind and body through daily walks and small habits.
I would be happy if this could serve as a reminder to someone that it is okay to take a little break.
🕊Table of Contents
1. The day I could no longer work
2. The reason I chose to do nothing
3. What I realized while resting
4. What I want to convey in this note
5. Toward the days of gradually reclaiming myself
1. The day I could no longer work
I became unable to work.
Even though I had been able to do it until now.
The workplace felt suffocating; the air felt thin every day.
It wasn't that I couldn't do the work or didn't understand it. I could do it if I tried hard; I wasn't incompetent. But I just didn't want to do it anymore.
I'm a therapist, yet... I didn't want to touch anyone...
After that happened, I quit my job and chose to do nothing for a year.
I will write little by little about the story of rebuilding my mind and body.
⸻
2. The reason I chose to do nothing
Immediately after quitting, feelings of impatience and guilt were stronger.
“If I stay like this, I'll be ruined,” “I have to find the next thing quickly.”
Even though I thought things like that, my body just wouldn't move.
It wasn't that I lacked motivation; I simply had no energy left.
Even the trivial things of daily life felt heavy.
Days of truly doing nothing. Meeting no one, going nowhere, sleeping as much as I could.
But that time was by no means “nothing.”
Rather, I think it was precious time to finally return to myself.
⸻
3. What I realized while resting
I don't have to wake up at a set time. I don't have to force myself to meet people.
“I don't have to do X” is a form of self-forgiveness.
I had lived my whole life thinking, “I must do something” or “It must be this way...”
Perhaps, more than anyone else, I wanted to be forgiven by myself.
Life without doing anything was scary at first, but gradually, I felt the tension in my body release.
I became able to breathe just a little deeper.
I made a gentle rule for myself: only one or two things to do a day.
I limited my clothes to black or white, and let go of colorful or patterned items that looked cluttered.
I stopped watching TV. I didn't take in unnecessary information, and I ate the same thing every day to reduce decision-making.
Waking up at noon, taking a walk in the evening. Repeating that every day.
At that time, I wasn't “unable to work,” I just “didn't want to push myself anymore.”
I can think now that it was because I had worked so hard that I needed to stop.
⸻
4. What I want to convey in this note
To those who have found work painful, just like I did. To those who are tired of trying so hard.
To those who think, “I should still be able to do it,” yet whose hearts cannot keep up.
I would be happy if this note could become a place where someone like that can let their guard down a little.
This is also a record addressed to my past self.
To someone who is afraid to stop, just like I was back then,
I am writing this now because I want to tell you, “It was okay to stop.”
⸻
5. Toward the days of gradually reclaiming myself
Finally.
It takes time to rebuild your mind and body.
It is okay if you don't see results immediately.
Consistency and habits will gradually heal your mind and body.
I don't say this to blame anyone. It comes from my own experience. I write it specifically because it is important.
Poor health, anxiety, anger—it is actually yourself who creates them.
That is why I believe you can also change them with your own hands.
I am also in the middle of gradually regaining trust in my mind, my body, and myself.
Next time, I would like to write about the small habits for healing the mind that I encountered during that “time of doing nothing.”
Thank you for reading until the end.