Happy Writing Marathon #13: What kind of future might be the best one to attract?

Perhaps the best future isn't actually something flashy.
It might be like the everyday life that was lost, quietly returning.
Such modest moments are the best future I can imagine.

Reminiscence (What was lost)

Right now, I live as if I never had children.
Once, we spent 24 hours a day, 365 days a year together, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

I would stumble while catching them as they were bundles of overflowing energy, and we would sing and dance together.

To my eldest daughter, who would cry saying, 'I can't get along with the kids in my class,' I kept encouraging her by saying, 'It's okay, eventually everyone else's thinking will catch up to yours.'

When I told them that if they chewed their food well without being picky, they would become beautiful, cute girls, they would happily eat anything.

They were loved by the neighbors for the way they would smile and exchange greetings,
and on holidays, I would say, 'Daddy is working hard, so where should the three of us go?'
and we would go out on many adventures.

On summer afternoons, when I let them play to their hearts' content in a clear, slow-flowing river, I loved the way they would smile happily after drinking the warm cocoa I made for their chilled bodies.

Raising children was also a time to retrace my own childhood.
Cockleburs, Job's tears, tree frogs, wood sorrel seeds—
the plants and creatures I loved as a child were discovered by my daughters with the same curiosity, and I would be right there beside them, surprised and laughing together.

The pain of reality

If I hadn't made the choice to divorce, would the three of us still be living that same happy life?
It was gut-wrenching to see them taken by my ex-husband and to watch their hearts become clouded by the words he whispered to them, and I trembled with frustration.
Even so, I stopped seeing them so as not to disturb their hearts any further.

The only thing I know for sure is that my daughters being healthy and living happily is more important than anything else.
Perhaps the day will never come when I am needed as a mother again.
Even so...

The best future for me is

I don't know if a day will come when the wall between my daughters and me can be broken down for some reason,
but I have been healing my own wounds for that day.
To love myself, to enjoy my own life, and to be able to stand tall and steady.

That is why I simply wish for my daughters' happiness.