My daughter is laid-back at home, but gives it her all outside
My daughter is very laid-back when she is at home.
Mornings are especially intense.
No matter how much I wake her up, she just won't get up.
Even when she finally sits at the table,
her breakfast just stays in her mouth.
If I don't prompt her, she won't keep chewing,
and before I know it, 40 minutes have passed.
I find myself checking the clock over and over again in the morning.
"Hurry up."
"We don't have any time left."
With work ahead and no time to spare,
I get impatient with myself for not being able to keep up with my daughter's pace.
I end up raising my voice.
Honestly, I'm exhausted from the start of the day.
And on days when she comes home after trying her hardest, it's especially intense.
She cries over the smallest things.
She screams.
She's in a bad mood.
I'm also drained after work and have no patience left,
"Why are you crying over something like that?"
I sometimes think to myself.
My daughter has her first overnight school trip this month.
Until now, she has never stayed anywhere overnight without me.
Seeing how she acts at home,
I was incredibly anxious.
"Are you really going to be okay?"
"If you can't do it at home, you can't do it outside either."
The moment I said that,
my daughter glared at me,
with big tears welling up in her eyes.
"I can do it when I'm outside!!"
She cried and retorted desperately.
And then,
"I'm trying so hard, so why are you so angry?"
she said.
But honestly,
I couldn't believe it at all.
Because she was just so laid-back at home.
I was curious, so I asked her teacher.
What came back
was completely different from what I had imagined.
"At school, she's constantly using her head and body, to the point where she doesn't even have time to take a break."
"She takes care of the younger children, and she thinks carefully about what to do next before she acts."
Huh? Really?
I couldn't believe it.
But at that moment,
it suddenly occurred to me.
Wait, this might be the same as me.
When I'm outside,
I want to be as proper as possible.
I don't want to be a burden.
I don't want to ruin the mood.
So naturally, I keep my guard up.
I had honestly thought about my daughter,
"You don't have to try that hard."
But when I put myself in her shoes,
I realized I was the same.
Even when people tell me to "just relax,"
I don't know how to let my guard down.
Because I work so hard outside,
I run out of battery at home.
My daughter is probably
the same way.
The teacher told me,
"She's working so hard, so please let her take it easy at home."
Hearing those words,
my heart ached.
The other day, I went to lunch with my daughter.
When the staff member said,
"Please take your time,"
my daughter said happily,
"Mom, the person at the restaurant is so kind."
"They told me to take my time."
"It means it's okay to eat slowly."
The moment I heard those words,
my chest felt tight.
Every day, I was rushing my daughter,
"Hurry up."
"We don't have time."
Of course,
I have work, and there are many mornings when I have no time to spare.
But my daughter
was so happy just to be told that it was okay to take her time.
When I see my daughter lounging around at home,
honestly, there are still many days when I think, "She's just lazing around again..."
When I come home tired from work,
there are days when I lose my patience.
But I feel like there are more moments now than before
where I can think, "She worked hard outside today, too."
I can't think that way every time.
I think it's good if I can do it once every three times.
Even so,
my perspective on my daughter
has changed just a little bit.
I don't think I can change immediately.
I'm sure there will be days when I say "Hurry up!" again.
Even so,
at least on her days off.
At least when I have a little bit of time.
I want to be a mother who can say to her daughter,
"Please take your time."