First-time Parenting | The 3 Days My Baby Spent in the NICU Right After Birth

On the day I gave birth, my baby was transported by ambulance.

My first child was admitted to the NICU immediately after birth.

Before the birth, I was told, "You'll be able to hold your baby right after they're born."
So, I was looking forward to that moment when I would hold my baby in my arms after hearing their first cry.

But in reality, I was only allowed to see their face for a brief moment.
Their cry was also different from what I had imagined; it was just a small, "Ngya?" sound.

At that moment, the midwives seemed a bit flustered,
and after being told, "We're just going to check on them," my baby was taken away.

A little while after I returned to my room, the doctor came in.

"We are going to transport your baby to a larger hospital by ambulance."

When I was suddenly told that, my mind went blank.

The reason was likely transient tachypnea of the newborn.
They explained that it is common in babies and likely not a very serious condition.

But honestly, at that moment, I was filled with feelings of,
"What is that?"
"Are they really going to be okay?"

I was all alone in a hospital room without my baby, still recovering from childbirth.

Out of consideration, the hospital had my meals brought to my room, but
hearing other babies crying around me,
I felt as if I were the only one being isolated.

My baby was then transported by ambulance to the hospital with the NICU.

Since I had just given birth and couldn't move, I couldn't go with them.
Only my husband accompanied them.

How was my baby doing?
Were they breathing properly?
Even though my head understood the explanation that "it's often nothing to worry about," I was still anxious.

After that, my baby was admitted to the NICU.

The cause was indeed transient tachypnea of the newborn.
It is common in newborns and usually resolves within a few days.

Even hearing that, the situation of not having my baby by my side was lonelier than I had expected.

Because I wanted to give birth sooner,
I had been moving my body a lot, doing squats, scrubbing the hallways, walking, and dancing.

I blamed myself, wondering if that was the cause.

I was at 39 weeks, but
perhaps my baby just wasn't ready yet.

And another thing I was anxious about was taking care of the baby.

Before giving birth, I heard that during my hospital stay, I would be taught little by little about:

・How to breastfeed
・How to change diapers
・How to bathe the baby
・How to respond when the baby cries

and so on.

However, because my baby was in the NICU, I had almost no opportunities for that.
I only learned through videos.

“Will I be okay being discharged like this?”
“Will I be able to take care of the baby properly?”

And one more thing.

“Will I be able to become a proper mother?”

Those anxieties kept growing larger and larger.

My baby was hospitalized in the NICU for 3 days.

Looking back now, it was a very short time, but for me at the time, those 3 days felt long.

Through the kindness of the hospital, they let me see how my baby was doing via a 30-minute LINE video call each day.

While I felt a little relieved, I didn't really feel like the baby I gave birth to was truly mine, and I felt somewhat detached.

They made it so all our relatives could watch, but my mother-in-law didn't mute her microphone and kept talking about completely different things.
Even though I knew she didn't mean any harm, I was a little hurt.

I was also worried about whether I would be able to breastfeed.
My breasts were hot and engorged, but there was no baby to feed.
I was taught how to express milk by a midwife and used ice packs to cool them down.

And then, the day of discharge arrived.

The baby came back to the hospital where I was staying.
I was finally with my baby, but to tell the truth, I didn't really feel like a mother yet.

I felt relieved while the baby was being looked after by the midwives.

Of course, I was happy to have my baby, but
at the same time, I also had these feelings.

“Can I really take care of the baby properly?”

Actually, I might have been
more anxious after being discharged than when the baby was in the NICU.

I was taught how to care for the baby all at once, and I was discharged at the same time as the babies who were born without any complications.

I didn't make any mom friends at all.

After returning home, every day was a process of trial and error.

Is this the right amount of formula?
What should I do when the baby cries?
Is their breathing okay?

I would get worried about even the smallest things, checking on the baby repeatedly and looking up all sorts of information.

But as I spent my time that way, I gradually got used to taking care of the baby.

Looking back now, the stay in the NICU was only three days.
But for me, as a first-time mother, those three days felt very long.

And to be honest,
I think I felt more anxious after being discharged than I did while the baby was in the NICU.

When a baby is admitted to the NICU, it is natural to feel anxious and wonder if they will be okay.
Even if it is a short hospital stay, I believe it is normal for a mother's heart to be shaken.

If there is anyone else feeling the same kind of anxiety,
I would be happy if you knew that you are not the only one who feels that way.

I hope this will be of some help to other mothers who are feeling anxious, just as I was back then.