Part 27: The Decision I Made

Since then, I have thought about many things and
have reached this day having made my decision.

I considered things from various angles.
From my husband's perspective.
From my own perspective.
From my daughter's perspective.
From the perspective of the baby yet to be born.

And then, there was only one answer.

To safely give birth to the baby, and
to build a happy family with my husband and children.

Even though that should have been decided from the beginning,
the unpleasant memories of my first child's birth
were still clinging to me.

It was a single remark made by a stranger.

It was someone I met inside the hospital while I was admitted.
As I was walking slowly while carrying my IV drip,
we ended up in the elevator together.

Oh? You had your baby, didn't you? Congratulations.
Is your body still feeling rough?

Yes, thank you.
It is rough, yes...

Having just given birth,
it was a time when even breathing was difficult for me.

Back in the day, no matter how hard it was, we gave birth naturally. Nowadays, there's the C-section, right? To be able to meet your baby without experiencing the pain of labor. Isn't that something? You're only a real mother if you give birth naturally.

Having had a C-section, I had no words to reply.
It felt as if I were being told I was disqualified as a mother.

That person probably meant no harm.
But inside my heart, I had the sensation
of being stabbed over and over with a knife.

Well then, take care of yourself.

Saying that, the woman walked away.

Because of this memory,
I became strongly fixated on having a natural birth.
If you give birth by cesarean section, you aren't a real mother.
It felt like that was what was being said to me.
I blamed myself.
I wondered if I had just endured it back then,
I wouldn't have had to suffer like this.
I regretted and resented that day over and over again.
I hated myself.

A casual remark can hurt a mother, make her worry,
and leave her with a lifelong scar.

That is precisely why I want those around her to wrap her in kindness.

This time, if I meet an old lady like that, I will tell her.

I gave birth by cesarean section with pride.
I endured the pain and successfully gave birth.

Holding onto such strong feelings,
I waited impatiently for the doctor to arrive.

NEXT Episode
~A Mother Who Has Become Stronger Again~