We live in an era that cannot be explained by the common sense of the parent generation

Since I started worrying about my child's development, there is something I often think about.

The times are different now from when we were raised by our parents.

The discomfort I felt regarding my in-laws' tales of glory

The stories I heard from my in-laws about my husband were mostly what you would call tales of glory.

"He wasn't good at studying, but he was good at sports."

"If there was someone he didn't like, he would go and confront them"—the in-laws, that is.

"It all worked out eventually."

Every time I heard such stories, I felt a sense of unease in my heart.

Of course, I don't deny that they carved out their lives that way.

I think it is also true that having something they were good at gave them confidence.

But just because that's the case, I didn't think it could be applied directly to my own child right in front of me.

My child is my child.

They aren't necessarily good at sports in the same way.

There is no guarantee that things will work out in the same environment.

That is why I was always thinking.

"Can that success experience be replicated for this child?"

Things that became clear after listening to my partner

On the other hand, as I listened to my partner, I began to see a different perspective.

At first, all he would say was "It'll be fine" or "It'll work out somehow."

Honestly, I couldn't see any basis for that.

But as I slowly began to unravel the story,

• that they were not good at arithmetic

• that there was a time they didn't get along with friends

• that there was a difficult period

such a past began to come into view.

And finally, that they found a place where they belonged in a youth sports group.

That was when I realized.

Adults talk about results.

But they rarely talk about the process.

Behind the phrase "it all worked out," there must have been times when it didn't.

There must have been times of worry and failure.

But those things fade away with time.

And all that remains are the successful experiences.

That is why I have always wanted to know the "process" rather than the "result."

How did they get there?

What supported them?

What was the turning point?

I wanted to know that because I wanted to find what my own child needs right now.

I started getting consulted after talking about development

While thinking about such things, I eventually became the one being consulted.

Once I started talking to people around me about my child's development,

"Actually, I've been worried about mine too"

"What do you think?"

"Is their development delayed?"

I've been receiving more consultations like that.

Honestly, I think people around us could tell what my child's situation was.

"Huh?"

"Are they a bit behind?"

"Are they not good at group activities?"

That kind of uneasy feeling.

But my child wasn't the type to attack anyone.

If anything, they were a kind, laid-back child.

So when I talked about development,

"They're such a kind child"

"They have so many good qualities"

I was often told things like that.

I was grateful for that.

But that was separate from the difficulties we were facing.

Just because they are kind doesn't mean they don't have struggles.

Just because they are a good child doesn't mean they don't need support.

That was something I had felt many times.

I understand the desire for empathy very well.

While listening to consultations, I sometimes had complicated feelings myself.

Of course, I understand how you feel.

Because I have struggled with the same things.

I want someone to...

say, "It's going to be okay."

I want them to say that.

I want them to say, "You're worrying too much."

I want them to say that.

I understand that feeling painfully well.

But at the same time, I also had other thoughts.

If it's bothering you, let's take action.

A public health nurse is fine.

A pediatrician is fine.

A developmental consultation is fine.

First, you should try asking someone.

I have been taking action since my child was one year old.

While worrying.

While feeling lost.

Even so, things have been moving little by little.

That is precisely why I think this.

Children grow up. That is why it is better to act sooner.

Children grow up.

And the more they grow, the more stubborn both sides become.

Parents also,

"It's too late to consult anyone now"

start to think.

Children also,

"I'm not really having any trouble"

start to say.

When they were small, it was enough for the parents to act.

But as they get older, the child's own will comes into play.

That is why it is no longer simple.

That is why I still think today.

The moment you realize it is the easiest time to take action.

In this day and age, it is difficult to just rely on the idea that "things will work out eventually"

However, on the other hand, the current era is truly difficult.

Unlike the old days,

it cannot be settled by just saying "things will work out eventually."

That said,

gathering too much information on development,

reading through every characteristic,

and trying to apply everything to them is also not right.

• We live in an era called the age of diversity.

• Diagnoses have also become more subdivided.

• The options for support have also increased.

There are many things that have improved.

Children who would have been overlooked in the past are now able to connect with support.

But, at the same time, the worries of parents have become more complex.

The 'scale' that only parents can hold

• Is this the child's personality?

• Is support necessary?

• Is it okay to wait and see?

• Should I act now?

There is no single correct answer.

Getting too caught up in the trend can be painful.

Not getting caught up in it at all can also be painful.

It is not right for parents and children to be crushed by being swallowed by the wave of developmental support.

It is also not right to leave things alone based solely on the old-fashioned idea that 'it will work out eventually'.

So, in the end, parents are the only ones who can hold the scales.

Listen to the opinions of those around you.

Listen to what the experts have to say.

Listen to what the school has to say.

Observe how your child is doing.

Based on all of that,

what does this child need right now?

Keep thinking about that.

Don't look for someone else's answer, but for the answer that fits your own child.

Honestly, I have no confidence.

I still get lost even now.

There are days when I wonder if I did the right thing.

Even so, parents are the only ones who can hold those scales.

It is not about someone else's success story.

It is not about what is correct on social media.

It is not just about the words of experts.

There are judgments that only a parent can make because they have been watching their child right in front of them for the longest time.

The times have changed.

Values have changed, too.

That is why I want to keep thinking while looking at my child right in front of me, without being swayed by old common sense or current trends.

While searching for the path that suits my child, I want to continue holding the scales as a parent.

Summary

I believe there is no single correct answer to concerns regarding development.

That is precisely why,

• not relying solely on old values

• not being overly swayed by information

• taking action if something concerns you

• ultimately looking at your own child

I think it is important to keep maintaining that balance.

And as I reach the final stages of raising my children, I feel that the only person who can hold those difficult scales is, after all, the parent.