The day I failed at making shumai, and why I felt strangely relieved

It was supposed to go well... dinner

I made shumai for dinner.

I thought I'd make a "proper meal" for the first time in a while,
with a little extra care and a little extra effort.

But—

I failed spectacularly.

Something's not right... this isn't shumai.

The wonton wrappers tore,
and while steaming, they stuck together into a sticky mess,

before I knew it,
it had become "something with wonton wrappers draped over meat dumplings."

And when I took a bite,

...Huh?

This isn't shumai.
The taste was exactly like gyoza.

Being able to say, "Sorry, I messed up"

"Sorry, I messed up."

I said that, and served it on the table just as it was.

If it were the me from a little while ago,
I don't think I could have served it.

I would have blamed myself for failing and felt depressed.
Even though I've probably only wrapped shumai a few times in my life.

"I couldn't make it properly."
Just because of that, I would have thought I was no good.

The moment I thought, "That's okay"

Then my son said one thing:

"You're right. But the taste is... well, it's okay."

Saying that, they ate the gyoza-flavored meatballs just like normal.

In that moment, the tension in my shoulders suddenly melted away.

Even if it isn't done perfectly, it still works

Ah, this is fine.

Even if the appearance is ruined,
even if it didn't turn out as planned,

someone is still eating it properly,
and telling me it's delicious.

That alone was already enough.

You don't have to pretend a failure never happened

The old me,

wanted to hide things I failed at.
wanted to act as if they never happened.

But now it's different.

Even if I fail,
I feel like it's okay to serve it just as it is.

Being able to think, 'This is acceptable in its own way'

That shumai was a failure.

But,

if you think of it as 'gyoza-flavored meatballs',
then it works just fine as that.

You don't have to force it back into being the 'correct' version.

You can just accept it as a different form.

What felt lighter that day

That day's shumai was a failure.

But,
I felt a little lighter that day.

There are days when things don't go well,
and days when things don't go as planned.

But whether you

end it by saying "it was a failure," or accept it as "this is just one of those things,"
changes the weight in your heart.

It doesn't have to be perfect.

It doesn't have to be done properly.

You don't have to be perfect.

You, today, are also "doing just fine."

That was the story of some slightly strange shumai,
which taught me exactly that.

Thank you for reading until the end.

Depending on how you perceive things, your heart can change too.
The world looks different again.
That is how I enjoy my days.