When I Stopped Being a 'Nice Person,' My Life Got Better | Happy Writing Marathon #29

Things I think it's okay to stop doing now

In everything, I was taught to
“put yourself in the other person's shoes,”
and that is how I acted.

That wasn't wrong, and I think it was both a form of kindness and a way to navigate life.

But looking back,
much of that was about putting myself last while considering the “other person's position.”

Swallowing my own feelings, enduring, and conforming—
that had become the norm.

At one point, I realized.

Putting yourself in someone else's shoes while still valuing yourself and
sacrificing yourself to prioritize someone else are completely different things.

When I made valuing myself the standard,
the consideration I could offer and the consideration I didn't need to offer became clearly distinct.

Things I didn't have to force myself to do naturally decreased.

As a result, even though I didn't decide to “stop” being considerate,
before I knew it, I had stopped being excessively considerate.

Then, I felt much lighter.

Things moved forward without me having to struggle to adjust,
and my relationships, as well as life itself, became surprisingly smooth.

Before standing in someone else's shoes, first stand in your own.
That wasn't coldness; it was wellness.

Valuing yourself
does not, in the end, break or distance you from your relationships with others.

Rather, only the connections that are truly necessary remain quietly.

I no longer need the kind of kindness that sacrifices myself.

From now on, I will trust and act on the choices I make while valuing myself.