🌿 By the Quiet Forest #1 Do those who blame themselves really want to blame themselves? | Icon and banner changed (2329 characters)

🌿 The day I heard a voice of blame

Recently, there have been moments where I almost blamed myself.

I have things I want to do, but they aren't progressing as I'd like.

When I look around, it seems like there are people moving forward with ease.

“I should be able to do more.” “Why am I so slow?”

Such voices were quietly echoing in my heart.

But, in truth—

“I was afraid of being left behind.”

It is not that being behind is painful in itself,

“Will I be left behind like this?”

“Will I never be found by anyone again?”

Perhaps such small anxieties were hidden deep inside.

On days when I hear that voice of blame,

it feels as if I am the only one who has stopped in the middle of the forest.

🌿 The heart tries to protect itself

The heart is a mysterious thing.

To avoid getting hurt, it sometimes blames itself.

“So I won't fail next time.”
“So I won't be expected of too much.”
“Before someone else blames me, I'll blame myself first.”

And

“So I won't be left behind.”
“So I won't have to get hurt anymore.”

It is said that sometimes we try to protect ourselves in ways like that.

Perhaps, in truth, it wasn't that I wanted to do my best, but that I just wanted to believe I was 'okay'.

🌿 Trying to reply to the voice of the heart

When I think of it that way, the harsh voice inside my heart might not have been an entity trying to hurt me, but one that was desperately trying to protect me.

“I'm blaming myself again.”

When I realized that,
I used to be swallowed up by that voice.

Now, I sometimes reply to that voice.

“I see.
You wanted to believe you were okay, didn't you?”

When I say that to myself,
the thread that was pulled tight,
I feel it loosen just a little bit.

🌿 The path back to myself

People may not stop suffering because they change,
but perhaps after suffering, they gradually learn the path back to themselves.

Even I, who used to blame myself for days on end,
am gradually having more days where I can say to myself, 'Let's come back again'.

When I am swallowed by the voice that blames me,

I had become unable to understand what I was feeling,

or even what I truly wanted to do.

I had lost track of it all.

But now,

“Ah, I am about to leave myself behind right now.”

The moments where I can realize that have been increasing little by little.

I am still on that journey, too.

But compared to before,

the time it takes for me to go and retrieve the part of myself that has wandered too far away

has become a little faster.

I believe that even just that is proof that a person is properly moving forward.

🌿 Walking forward in small steps again today

On days when I feel like I might wander too far away, there are words I reread.

Helped by those words,

I am walking again today, trying small things and taking small rests.

Even if there are days when I come to a standstill,

there is a path I can always return to.

Just being able to think that way

makes me feel like I can walk with a little more peace of mind.

🌿 Today's Resonance

“I see. You really just wanted to believe that it was okay, didn't you?”

If today,

you notice that you are blaming yourself even a little,

please gently direct these words toward yourself.

🌿 What I want to cherish in this series

Sometimes people are saved by knowing the answer.

But at other times,

“What is happening inside me right now?”

Quietly observing this and accepting your own feelings might be the greatest support of all.

By layering my own experiences, feelings that haven't yet become words, and a little bit of poetry and scenery,

I want to write something that is not just about conveying knowledge,

“writing that translates sensations into words,”

and I hope to continue doing so.

I hope that for those who read this,

it will be like pausing for a moment in a quiet forest,

“...Ah, so this is how I was feeling.”

I hope this becomes a time for you to gently receive your own feelings that had not yet been put into words.

And,

I hope to write pieces that can serve as small gateways for readers to return to their inner selves.

I would be happy if this could become a series that feels like a small path home.🌿

🌿 For those who want to look at themselves more slowly

In this article,

weaving together psychology, sensations, and a touch of scenery and white space,

"What is happening inside me right now?"

I am documenting time spent quietly observing such things.

If you feel,
"This might be about me right now."
and feel that way,

I also offer a Round-trip Service where we can work together to put into words the feelings and sensations that are hard to find alone.

Also, so that you can reread the words that bring you back to yourself as many times as you like.

There is also a Prescription of Resonance that I deliver with that wish in mind.

May your breathing become a little gentler after you finish reading.

※ This series is planned to be written slowly and irregularly.🌿

🌿 A small announcement

The other day, I updated my icon and banner.

The look has been updated to incorporate a bit of a Japanese atmosphere🌿

Currently, I am gradually moving forward with services in other places as well.

From now on, I hope to weave words together with this Rushana.

Also, depending on my current physical condition, icons with 10-bandage and 30-bandage specifications might appear eventually🤭

Of course, the chibi characters are also planned to make appearances in the articles from time to time🩷

(By the way, I wonder if I'm at about 5 bandages right now...🐢
It might change again depending on my physical condition and feelings at the time🤭)

While cherishing myself at each moment,

I plan to gradually get things in order from here on out🌿

Also,

on days when you are a little tired, or on days when you feel like you might drift far away,

I would be happy if you could drop by anytime.

May this place,

allow you to loosen your breath a little,

and become a small perch where you can return to yourself🌿

🌿 By the Quiet Forest