🌱 How to Nurture Your Heart: Part 1 - Don't Blame Yourself for Thinking You 'Can't'

I used to ask myself,

"Why can't I do this?"

"Everyone else can do it, so why can't I?"

I would blame myself like that.

I couldn't move even when I tried to do something.

I couldn't get started even when there were things I had to do.

I couldn't even ask for help, even though I should have.

Looking at myself like that,

"I'm no good."

"I have to try harder."

I would think.

But looking back now,

before saying "I can't,"

I think I needed to ask myself, "Why can't I do it?"

🌱 There was a reason for the "can't."

When you can't do something,

"can't = I lack the ability"

is not necessarily true.


・Maybe you are tired.

・Maybe you are feeling strong anxiety.

・Maybe you don't know where to start.

・Maybe you are afraid of failing.

・Maybe you are carrying too much on your own.

・Maybe the task is too big and you don't know where to begin.

So, before you blame yourself by saying,

"Why can't you do it?"

,

Try asking yourself, "What is making this difficult for me right now?"

and think about it.

Just doing that,

will change how you face yourself a little bit.

🌱 You don't have to turn "can't" into "can" all at once.

When someone who thinks they "can't" is told,

"You can do it if you try"

or "Try to think positively,"

they sometimes cannot change immediately.

I was the same way.

So, you don't have to suddenly change from

"can't" to "can."

First,

try changing it to "can't" → "how can I do a little bit?"

For example, suppose you want to clean your room but just can't get moving.

If you think, "I have to clean the whole room,"

that thought alone might make you feel distressed.

In that case,

"Today, I'll just pick up one thing off the floor"

is fine too.

Once you've done one thing,

"Maybe I'll try doing just one more"

is also fine.

If that is still difficult,

"Let's ask someone for help"

is also fine.

Being able to do everything by yourself is not the only way to move forward.

🌱 It's okay to rely on others. It's okay to have them do it with you.

Some people might think,

"I have to be able to do things for myself."

But,

・Relying on someone.

・Getting help.

・Doing things together.

These are also ways to move forward.

・It's okay to be with someone at first.

While being supported by someone,

"I did it"

Create one such experience.

As those experiences accumulate,

"I couldn't do it alone before, but I did it today."

A day like that may come.

And someday,

"Maybe I can do it too."

A feeling like that will be born.

You don't have to have confidence from the start.

"I believe that confidence grows little by little by stacking up small 'I did it' moments."

🌱 There is a valid reason for why you can't do something.

When you think "I can't,"

you don't have to blame yourself immediately.

First,

"What do I need right now?"

Try thinking about that.

・Maybe it's resting.

・Maybe it's having someone listen to you.

・Maybe it's getting some help.

・Maybe it's breaking the task down into smaller pieces.

・Maybe it's doing it tomorrow instead of today.

Finding that method is also

"taking care of yourself."

🌸 Small ways to nurture your heart starting today

If today,

"I can't do it"

is something you think,

it's okay not to immediately think "I have to try harder."

First,

"Why is this difficult for me right now?"

Try asking yourself that.

And then,

"How can I make this just a little bit easier?"

Try thinking that.

・If you can't find the answer, it's okay to ask someone.

・You don't have to come up with the answer all by yourself.

Instead of blaming yourself for not being able to do something,

"This was difficult for me right now, wasn't it?"

Say that to yourself.

You are not

valuable because you can do many things.

Even if you can't do something,

even if there are days when you can't do anything at all,

your worth does not disappear.

You don't have to blame yourself for what you can't do.

First,

start by reducing the harsh words you have been directing at yourself by just one.

And then,

instead of saying "I can't,"

think together with yourself, "How can I do a little bit of this?"

That,

I believe, is

a small step toward nurturing your future self.🌱