A Way of Living Not Defined by Labels 🔖 Heart's Bookmark

🌱 Do not let illnesses or traits define your life

This is one answer I have gradually arrived at while facing many people's hearts and my own in this life.

Especially over these past five years.

Including the time I spent as a recluse, I have watched many people in the world of online mental health.

I have met people with various illnesses and traits, listened to their stories, and offered them counsel.

In doing so, there is something that has deeply remained in my heart.

It is that there were many people who, despite their suffering, could not easily move forward.

For example,

・People who have been going to counseling for over 10 years and are still suffering without feeling much change.

・People who have been suffering for a long time from past romantic relationships, parent-child relationships, human relationships, abuse, moral harassment, power harassment, or trauma.

・People who, while continuing to think about developmental disorders and various traits, have somehow become unable to move forward.

Of course, there are important reasons and backgrounds for why these people are suffering.

It is not something that can be easily dismissed by saying,

“You just need to change your way of thinking,”

or “You just need to forget the past.”

That is precisely why I have listened to so many people's stories while thinking,

“I want to be of help somehow.”

Talking to someone about your painful feelings is very important.

By putting what is in your heart into words, you may feel a little relieved or be able to organize your feelings.

By having someone accept them,

“I am not alone”

you may also be able to think.

However, as I listened to people for a long time, I also realized something.

No matter how many words the people around you offer, in the end,

“I want to change a little from who I am now”

“I want to move forward even a little”

the one who can think that and take that step forward is yourself.

Among those who came to me for consultation, there were some who seemed to be looking for answers, but in their hearts, the answer was already decided.

They seemed to be listening to the opinions of those around them, but in reality, they were not yet ready to accept them.

To protect themselves, they had convinced themselves that they “understood.”

That does not mean that those people are bad.

Everyone feels anxious about changing.

Because letting go of the way of thinking and living you have had until now is not an easy thing.

That is why I do not want to rush anyone by saying,

“You must change.”

People have their own timing.

Time to stand still is also necessary.

Time to be supported by someone is also necessary.

Sometimes, even time to think about the same thing over and over is necessary.

However, even so, someday,

“How do I want to live from now on?”

I think the time will come when you ask yourself that question.

No matter how much the people around you support you, in the end, you are the one who walks your own life.

I learned that over these past few years.

🌱 “Understanding yourself” and “binding yourself” are different

I have lived with depression since I was a teenager and have lived with ulcerative colitis since my 30s.

And after passing 40, I also realized that I have traits like ADHD and HSS-type HSP.

Over these past five years, in the world of online mental health, I have met not only people with ADHD and HSP, but also people with various illnesses, traits, and worries.

And I have heard many stories about the resulting worries in families, marriages, parent-child relationships, and human relationships in the workplace.

In doing so, there is something I have come to feel strongly.

Knowing your diagnosis or traits is very important.

It becomes a starting point for understanding yourself.

“Why have I had such a hard time living until now?”

For someone who thought that, by knowing their traits,

“So that was it,”

sometimes the reasons for blaming themselves decrease for the first time.

There are people who are saved by that.

Therefore, I do not want to deny knowing about illnesses or traits.

Rather, I think understanding yourself is an important starting point for living as yourself from now on.

However,

“Understanding yourself” and “binding yourself” are different.

Diagnosis names and traits are not for binding yourself.

I think they are tools to make your life easier to live.

“Because I am HSP,”

“Because I am ADHD,”

“Because I have depression,”

there is no need to decide your life based on those words alone.

It is true that there are things that feel difficult due to illnesses or traits.

You may get tired more easily than others, have things you are not good at, or stumble in human relationships.

That is an important part that should not be ignored.

But that does not mean everything is decided by that alone.

That person's own experiences.

Personality.

Way of thinking.

Values.

Environment.

What kind of life have you walked until now?

Things like that also make up who you are now in the same way.

Therefore,

“Because I am HSP,”

“Because I am ADHD,”

instead of stopping your thinking once you have found a reason,

“Then, what shall I do from here?”

I think it is important to think about what comes next.

Understanding illnesses or traits is not the goal.

It is the starting point for thinking about how you will live your life from now on.

And,

“You must not blame your illness or traits,”

and “You must not admit that you are suffering due to your illness or traits,”

are completely different things.

When you are suffering, it is okay to say you are suffering.

If you need help, it is okay to rely on someone.

If there are things you cannot do, it is okay to find ways to manage.

Resting is also necessary.

On top of that,

“What can I do as I am now?”

I think that is what it means to face yourself.

🌱 “You have value” and “there are things that can be changed” are compatible

Here, there is something I really want to convey.

“There are things that can be changed in your current way of thinking and approaching things,”

and “You have no value,”

are completely different things.

Even if you are standing still because of an illness or trait, that does not lower your value as a human being.

You have value from the beginning.

On top of that,

if there are parts where you think,

“It is painful as it is now,”

you can change those parts little by little.

People can change without having to keep denying themselves.

Instead of “You are no good, so change,”

I think it is okay to start from,

“You have value. That is precisely why let's look for a way to live more easily together.”

While understanding your traits and illnesses, you also face your own experiences, way of thinking, and values.

And you nurture your heart little by little.

I think that is what it means to build a foundation for living your own life.

If the foundation is not yet ready, you can build it from now on.

If the roots are weak, you can water them little by little from now on.

It is okay if it takes time.

It is okay if you are slower than someone else.

As that foundation becomes solid little by little, I think the way you deal with the difficulty of living will also change little by little.

🌱 Do not become a person who does not worry, but a person who can walk while worrying

There is one answer I have arrived at over these past few years.

It is that,

the goal is not “to become a person who does not worry,”
but “to become a person who can continue to walk their own life even if they have worries.”

I did not become able to move forward because my worries and anxieties disappeared.

Even now, there are days when I worry about my physical condition.

There are days when I remember the past and feel painful.

I also think about my own traits.

Even so, there is a part that is a little different from before.

It is that,

instead of blaming myself for having worries, I have become able to look at “what I can do today” while carrying those worries.

Illnesses that do not heal.

Traits I was born with.

Events that happened in the past.

Relationships with family.

Things that cannot be changed.

I have worried about these things many times.

Of course, worrying itself is not bad.

Because I have had painful experiences, I can understand my own feelings and empathize with someone else's pain.

But from a certain point, I began to ask myself.

“Is there any meaning in continuing to think about things that cannot be changed?”

“Wouldn't I be closer to happiness if I thought about how I will live from now on instead?”

I began to think that way.

Having become ill.

Traits I was born with.

Events that happened in the past.

Human relationships that cannot be changed.

These cannot be treated as if they never happened.

You cannot erase the past either.

But just because they exist, it does not mean everything in your life is decided.

🌱 Do not keep fighting your illness, but live with it

I chose not to keep fighting my illness and traits as “enemies,” but to deal with them as “part of myself.”

For example, ulcerative colitis.

Before, I sometimes thought,

“Why me?”

But no matter how much I worry, the illness itself does not disappear.

If so, I began to think that

“How should I deal with this illness to live as myself?”

would lead to my future self.

Knowing your physical condition.

Not pushing yourself too hard.

Resting when necessary.

Relying on someone when you cannot do it.

That is not giving up.

It is a choice to cherish yourself.

Just because you have an illness, there is no need to give up on life.

While knowing what you can and cannot do, you can find your own way to enjoy things.

By my side, there is a friend who is spending their days cherishing them while finding how to deal with their illness little by little.

I learned many things from that figure as well.

It is not that you cannot enjoy life because you have an illness,

but by thinking about how to live with the illness, you can create time to enjoy it.

That is not something to be measured by comparing with someone else.

I think it is something that each person finds at their own pace.

🌱 Even a small step is a proper advance

And, the way I face small daily events has also changed little by little.

The old me would keep blaming myself for a long time when I failed.

“Why couldn't I do it?”

“I failed again.”

In that way, I was hurting myself over and over again.

But now,

even if I take the wrong bus.

Even if I leave something behind at home.

Even if I mistake the date.

Even if I think, “Ah, I messed up,”

I have become less likely to keep blaming myself for a long time after that.

“It can't be helped. I'll be careful next time.”

“Sometimes you forget things, right?”

In that way, I have become able to say kind words to myself.

It is not that I have become a person who does not fail.

But,

the time I spend continuing to blame myself for failing has become shorter.

That was a big change for me.

And, I do not think that moving forward only means achieving something big.

Going to the dentist.

Going to the hospital.

Going to a self-reliance training facility.

Participating in day care.

Doing what you need to do in your life one by one.

That is also properly moving your life forward.

You are not stopped because you have worries.

If you are facing what you should do today even while worrying, that is moving forward.

🌸 I will walk even while worrying

I have not become a person whose worries have perfectly disappeared.

I think I will continue to worry.

・There will be times when I feel anxious.

・There will be times when I remember the past.

・There will be times when I think about my illnesses or traits.

Even so,

You can keep walking even while you are struggling.

You can cherish your life even while carrying anxiety.

I have come to believe this.

What is important is not just eliminating illnesses or traits.

It is not about forgetting everything from the past, either.

It is not about becoming someone who never worries.

While carrying your illnesses, traits, and past,

thinking about 'how I want to live from now on'

and choosing your own life little by little.

That is,

living true to yourself

I believe that is what it means.

For me, ADHD, HSS-type HSP, depression, and ulcerative colitis are not my whole life.

They are just a part of who I am.

Even if they are one of the things that describe me,

they are not me myself.

That is why I,

instead of being controlled by labels,

use labels to understand myself.

And, using that understanding as a starting point,

'So, how do I want to live?'

I want to think about that.

Having looked at the world of mental health for many years, met many people, and faced myself, this is what I have arrived at:

'One answer to living more easily.'

is that.

Illnesses and traits are not the protagonist of your life.

The past is not the protagonist of your life, either.

A diagnosis or a label someone else has placed on you is not your life itself.

The protagonist of your life is always you yourself.

・No matter what you are carrying.

・No matter what kind of past you have.

・How will you walk through the rest of your life?

You can make those choices for yourself, little by little.

・It is okay to struggle.

・It is okay to stop and pause.

・It is okay to have someone support you.

・At your own pace, one step at a time.

I believe you should just walk your own life on your own two feet.