A Graduation Ceremony Filled with Conflict Until the End

The other day, my eldest son reached his graduation ceremony.

About two weeks before the ceremony, his homeroom teacher asked, "What shall we do? Will he participate with everyone else, or would he prefer an individual ceremony?"

(My eldest son has been truant since the end of winter break in his first year of junior high.)

"I suspect he will want an individual one, but I will check with him and get back to you."

My son was already asleep, so I asked him the next day what he wanted to do, and as expected, he requested an individual ceremony.

I relayed this to the teacher and learned that there were a few other students in the same situation. It reminded me of my eldest daughter's graduation. (At her request, she had a small-group ceremony in the principal's office.)

The teacher told me over the phone that it would be at 3:00 PM, and after confirming we would see them then, I hung up and wrote the time in my planner and on the calendar hanging on the wall.

Ah, so my eldest son is finally graduating from junior high school...

In the end, he never attended a class in the classroom after the winter break of his first year...

Looking back on his junior high life, I almost got swept away by the waves of "what ifs" and "if onlys," but I shook my head in my heart, telling myself, "No, no."

He did go to work experience and field trips, even though he was never a morning person, didn't he?

It was three years of repeated conflict.
I've never asked him directly, but I wonder how he felt about these three years.

Will I be able to ask him someday?
Thinking that, I closed my planner.

And then, the day of the graduation ceremony arrived.

My eldest daughter was complaining of a sore throat due to hay fever, so we went to the hospital in the morning. By the time we finished the appointment and got home, it was time to get ready for the graduation ceremony.

...But my eldest son was still asleep.
He was awake when we went to the hospital. He was awake this morning.

He couldn't possibly be sleeping, could he...?

I hurriedly called out to him.
"It's almost two o'clock, wake up."

I called out to him several times, and although he responded each time, he showed no signs of actually waking up.

I started to panic.

Why at this moment?

First of all, you know today is your graduation ceremony and an important day, so why haven't you slept?

Why...

Thinking that far, I realized, no, it's that he couldn't sleep.

In my heart, I wanted him to go. Even if just to mark the end of middle school.

But is that really something that should be prioritized above all else?

It might be naive. But I felt that forcing him was wrong.

So, I told my eldest son.

"What do you want to do today? As your mom, I think you should go, since you've worked hard in your own way, and as you start a new life next month, it would be a milestone, right? A way to mark the occasion? But what do you want to do?"

My eldest son thought for a while (likely struggling to think clearly due to sleepiness) and agonized over it.

But when I asked him again...
"...I won't attend."
he replied.

I had mixed feelings, but I had decided to accept it.

"Okay, I'll let them know."

Then I called the school, and since his homeroom teacher happened to answer, I told them exactly that.

However, it seems that would mean rescheduling for another day, so they asked, "Could you come in this evening instead?"

I said I would ask, and after consulting with my eldest son—"It seems you have to participate in the graduation ceremony, so could you come in the evening? What do you think?"—we decided he would go at six o'clock.

After that, my eldest son slept for about an hour. As the time to get ready approached again, I called out to him.

This time he was able to wake up and change into his uniform. When he entered school, he was at eye level with me, but now I have to look up a little when I talk to him.

The trousers of his uniform had become short.

We left the house and headed to school.

My eldest son walked briskly ahead.

It's always been like that whenever the two of us go somewhere for school meetings or other business.

I walked behind him as if chasing him, so from the outside, the distance between us probably looked like, 'Oh my, is he in his rebellious phase? Or are they having a parent-child argument?'

But on the way home, he walks right beside me. I wonder if that's because he feels he needs to hurry, in his own way as the eldest son.

We continued walking with that vertical distance between us and arrived at the school safely.

We were first guided to a waiting room, where the homeroom teacher handed my eldest son a handmade pink flower with a safety pin attached, telling him to put it on.

After struggling a little, he managed to pin it to his chest, and then we headed to the principal's office.

Several teachers were there, and they welcomed us with smiles.

A graduation ceremony for just one person.

I stared at my eldest son's back from behind.

A little while later, the homeroom teacher called my eldest son's name.

'Yes!'

My eldest son answered firmly.

It was a crisp, clear voice. Just that alone made me so happy that my eyes welled up with tears.

Even now, as I write this, the image of my eldest son at that moment comes to mind and I feel like I'm going to cry.

The way he received his diploma was also sharp and poised, and I even felt incredibly proud.

After that, the principal's office was filled with words of 'congratulations' and a round of applause, and smiles broke out.

We were able to have a proper graduation ceremony, weren't we?

Afterward, the homeroom teacher invited us, saying, 'Since you're here, would you like to go to the classroom?' My eldest son usually refused, but this time he said, 'Oh... well, okay...' and the three of us went to the classroom.

The countdown to graduation written by the students was left on the teacher's desk, and the room felt empty.

A large paper with the class goal was posted on the blackboard, and since we were there, we took two photos: one of just my eldest son and one of the two of us together, with that in the background.

When we returned to the waiting room, the teachers were waiting in the hallway and saw my eldest son off with smiles until the very end.

On the way home, we talked about how it felt like we were being treated like VIPs, which was a bit embarrassing.

It was a very wonderful graduation ceremony.

From April, my eldest son will finally begin his high school life.

You worked hard. First and foremost, I hope you enjoy it.

Congratulations on your graduation!

Thank you for reading this far.
This was Midnight Cafe.