Things I intentionally do not write about in this note
Good morning.
This is Jonisan.
In this note, I intend to write quite honestly.
Things I'm thinking about, reasons why I stopped, or stories about delaying decisions.
Even so, there are moments when I feel that there is more that I haven't written.
The reason I haven't written about them is less about hiding them,
and more that I feel I haven't been able to put them into words yet.
It's more like I don't feel like forcing myself to summarize and publish things
that haven't settled into a form I can explain well.
Honestly, there are also things I knew but chose not to write.
Even on days when I could have written about more in-depth topics,
there were several times I stopped myself, thinking, 'I'll leave it at this for today.'
It wasn't that I couldn't put it out there,
but I felt I wouldn't be satisfied with myself after publishing it.
I think my physical condition and daily rhythm also play a part.
If I write at night when my head isn't working well,
I might make statements more definitively than necessary,
or conversely, be too vague.
There were days I decided it was better not to write at all
rather than write in that state.
In the world, it's often said that it's better to reveal everything,
or that showing vulnerability invites empathy.
I don't deny that in itself,
but I feel that I am not currently in a phase where I should force myself to reveal the parts I can't.
Recently,
I've come to think that my current self
includes not just what I write, but also what I don't write.
The parts I haven't been able to verbalize
are actually the things I spend the most time thinking about.
Rather than a place to line up completed thoughts,
I want this note to be a place to leave things as they are, in an unfinished state.
I think it's fine to leave it as is,
including the premise that there are things I intentionally do not write.
I'll write about them if I'm able to someday.
As long as I can't, I won't force myself to touch them.
For now, I intend to continue with that sense of distance.