Parenting Conflicts: Changing Jobs and Having a Second Child

This past week has been a whirlwind.

My child came down with a 39-degree fever and even developed an ear infection.
Since they are at an age where they can't say "it hurts" yet, they were in a terrible mood. I stayed up with them through their night crying, and now I'm sleep-deprived myself.

Things have finally started to settle down a little.

Doesn't it seem like kids often get sick just a few days after you think, "They've been so energetic lately, that's good"?
Parents tend to jinx themselves like that.

In the midst of all this, the timing of "changing jobs" and "having a second child" has been spinning around in my head.

I am currently working reduced hours.
I manage to adjust my working hours and days off somehow, but evening meetings and the long commute, even if it's infrequent, are quietly taking a toll.
The truth is, I'm just "somehow getting by."

I also compare my salary to when I was working full-time, so I can't help but wish I had a little more breathing room.

And if we were to have a second child, our life would change completely once again.
It's also important to consider how much support we can get from our family.
Depending on the timing of a job change, there's a possibility I wouldn't be eligible for employment insurance (like childcare benefits), so I have to be cautious.

Working while staying within the dependent tax bracket to raise children sounds ideal, but the reality isn't that simple. The jobs you can choose from are limited, and if your child gets sick, you have to take time off immediately. There must be conflicts unique to that position as well.

I thought I had "long since abandoned" my career, but I can't shake the anxiety about choosing not to work when I could, or about the decrease in the income I earn myself.

Because of my line of work, I have knowledge about fertility treatment, so the possibility of secondary infertility crosses my mind, and I am well aware that things don't always go according to plan.

There are so many conditions intertwined that, honestly, I don't know where to start.

My own way of working is important.
But I also want to protect my family's life.
My top priority is my child. My family.

While I am encouraged by stories of others saying, "It's going well for me!", there are times when the same approach doesn't work for me.

I realize once again that "everyone is different" really means just that.

So, I'm struggling with this every day.
It's not a problem with an immediate answer, and perhaps there is no "correct answer" to begin with.
In the end, I just have to make "choices" that I can be satisfied with.

When my child is healthy and I am healthy, I finally have the "mental space to think."
So, I think, "First, I'll just go to sleep..." but I end up thinking about it anyway.
I have this feeling that I want to take a step forward from this confusion.