[18] "Conversation Traps": Developing Questioning Skills. Rabbits are counted as 'wa', horse meat is called 'sakura', and wild boar is called 'botan'.
Hello. This is Nobu.
Following the previous topic of "Dining Tables and Seasonal Events," this time I will talk about a powerful trap that my family used to plant in our casual, everyday conversations.
This may be sudden, but aren't you having conversations like this with your children?
"Rabbits are counted as one 'wa', two 'wa', you know."
It is easy for parents to "teach" the correct answer. However, in our home, we never taught things that way. We intentionally scattered "intense sense of discomfort" into our daily conversations, creating a mechanism that would make our children bite and ask, "Wait? Dad, didn't you just say something strange?"
The thinking switch that starts with "Dad, aren't you wrong?"
For example, I would casually speak to them in the living room like this:
"Hey, look, there is one 'wa' (bird counter) of rabbit over there."
Then, an alert would ring in the child's head.
"Huh? What? Isn't 'wa' the counter for birds? Dad, aren't you wrong?"
Once the child thinks for themselves and asks a "question" like that, Dad wins. With a grin, I would explain the origin of why rabbits are counted as "wa" by saying, "No, no, actually..."
In the same way, I intentionally wove into our conversations units of words and cultural references that seemed unrelated at first glance, such as "Wild boar is called 'botan' (peony), deer is 'momiji' (maple), and horse is 'sakura' (cherry blossom)."
The goal is not to make them memorize rare units.
It is to ensure they have doubts while listening and do not end it with "Oh well."
It is to build the habit of "asking questions using words thought out by their own minds" when they have a doubt.
The decisive difference between "someone who just listens" and "someone who can ask questions"
If you repeat these "conversation traps," the way children listen to stories will change dramatically.
Instead of just listening to people vaguely, they will start listening while constantly keeping their antennas up, asking, "Is there any contradiction or point of doubt in what I am hearing right now?".
I don't think there are any children who can do that from the start; in fact, I don't think even adults can.
They must be embarrassed about not knowing things.
Not knowing something is not shameful. Of course, saying "I don't know" when you have already been taught is a bit different, but I think being able to say "I don't know what I don't know" is a very important thing.
If you don't leave what you don't know alone and become able to ask questions, there are surprising benefits.
It becomes clear what you understand and what you do not understand.
You won't feel like you "understand everything," and the boundary line of "I understand up to this point, but it's a mystery from here on" will become clear within yourself.
You will stop pretending to know things. (Actually, pretending to know is more embarrassing.)
You will overwhelmingly acquire logical thinking skills.
In order to convey a question to the other person, you must construct the content of the question yourself so that the other person can understand "what is unclear and how." Because of this, your mind automatically becomes logical. (*However, be careful not to make it a mean-spirited question that tries to catch the other person in a mistake.)
Asking a question out loud in your own words is a fairly high hurdle for a child. It is a "double-edged sword" because if you are not careful, people around you might think, "Huh? You don't even know that?" and you might be deeply embarrassed.double-edged swordbecause of that.
That is precisely why experiencing the "joy of asking questions" in a safe place like home while in elementary school, and lowering that hurdle, will make a big difference in middle school, high school, and the life that follows.
At first, it can be a "secret question after class."
That said, raising your hand and asking a question in front of everyone during a school lesson still takes courage at first.
So, I used to tell my children this.
"You don't have to raise your hand in front of everyone! Just go to your teacher after class and ask your question."
There should be at least some kind of doubt, so I told them, "Try listening to the lesson while thinking about one question you can ask at the end of class."
When I asked them what question they asked while we were eating dinner, at first they wouldn't have asked anything, but that's because they didn't know what they didn't understand.
Next, I said this: "Try listening to the lesson in order to come up with a question."
When I said, "Make sure to ask one question tomorrow," they would listen intently and look for parts of the teacher's talk they didn't quite understand. If you listen intently, there will always be something you don't understand.
Even if you understand it perfectly and have no questions, a doubt like, "I think of it this way, but is that method also correct?" will always arise.
There is no way a teacher would dislike a child who catches them to ask a question. They will be happy and teach them enthusiastically, thinking, "They were really listening."
Smart children are created from the "I don't know" at home
In our living room, we always intentionally created "I don't know" moments.
We would sprinkle things that hadn't been taught at school, or things that wouldn't be taught, into our conversations.
There is no need for parents to anticipate and teach everything in advance. In fact, it is just right to sprinkle in a little "strange conversation" to provoke the child.
"Listen to the story, take an interest, and don't leave questions unanswered"
When they didn't ask questions, I would ask, "Huh? Did you understand that? Did you understand the meaning of that word?" and if they didn't seem to understand, I would teach them on the spot or check a Japanese dictionary together.
A child who has acquired this cycle at home will absorb school lessons at a deeper level than anyone else, even without going to cram school, and will spontaneously "self-propel" their way to the top.
Next time,
Episode 19 is about another way to develop talent, as seen in the second son who is the 'magic assistant'.