What to do when you get stuck in the past? (ACT Practice Part 2)

"......ing?"

"...listening?"

"Hey, are you listening?"

"Oh, sorry. What?"

"What's wrong? Did something happen?"

This is a common scene in dramas and the like.

Even when you are talking or playing together,
"This person's mind is somewhere else"
is something you might feel from time to time.

This state is often described as
"absent-minded."


Your consciousness is not directed
at what is happening right in front of you,
and your mind has wandered off somewhere else.

I think everyone has experienced this
to a greater or lesser extent.

Sometimes you are remembering something good,
and other times it might be something bad.

In the first example,
there is something on your mind
(it might be about the past or the future),
and that thought is dominating your consciousness.

As a result,
you are "absent-minded."

As I wrote in the ACT overview article,
even if this state happens occasionally,
it is not a problem if you are not feeling any difficulty.

However, if you are currently

"Even when I'm working,
a word my boss said dominates my head,
and I can't concentrate on the work in front of me"

"Even though I should be having fun hanging out with friends,
I can't help but remember my own failures,
and I can't enjoy it from the heart"

If such a state continues,
and you are feeling distressed,
this article might be able to help you.

Being stuck in the past

A state of
being "absent-minded" like the one at the beginning.

In ACT, this state where
thoughts dominate your consciousness and actions
is calledfusion(with thoughts).

It is a state where thoughts in your head
are stuck to your consciousness, emotions, and self-image,
unable to separate.

I use a more common term,
"being stuck"to describe it.

For example, let's look at the case of
being stuck on "a remark made by your boss"
mentioned earlier.

One day, your boss scolded you,
"Can't you even do this?"

Of course, you apologized immediately
and intended to do everything you could.

However,
"Can't you even do this?"
that phrase just won't go away.

"Am I a person who can't even do 'this'?"
"My boss must hate me."
"I've probably lost my credibility at work."

As your boss's words resurface,
various thoughts run through your head.

Even though you know
there is no point in thinking about it,
you can't help but think about it.

As a result,
you can't focus on your work,
and you even think about it while talking to your family.

This is being stuck in the past
where your boss said, "Can't you even do this?"
(You are
fusedwith it).

If this person wants to escape
from such a situation,
ACT might be helpful.

In ACT,
for the state of fusion,
defusionis the process used.

The image is a process of
what you are stuck on
(past events or unpleasant thoughts)and
detaching,creating distance.

Note that this is
not
a process to "eliminate"past memories or thoughts.

So,
how exactly do you
escape from being "stuck"?

There are actually countless ways to do it.
There are so many versions,
well over 100.

In this article, I will introduce a
very easy-to-try
exercise called "putting it into words."

Do you have something to write with and
a small piece of paper handy right now?

A sticky note or
a page from a notepad is fine.
A size that is easy to hold up is best.

Once you are ready,
please proceed to the next step.

Once you have something to write with,
the unpleasant past event
that keeps popping into your head try writing it down in a single phrase.

Recalling it might be a little painful.
It is okay to calm your mind first,
but please try writing it on the paper.
(e.g., 'My boss scolded me')

Were you able to write it down?

If you were able to write it,
please take a look at that paper.

At first,
by looking at the paper,
I think that event will come to mind.

However,
that event is not
right in front of you right now, is it?

What is in front of you
is a piece of paper with "words" written on it. Please take a look at those "words."

What kind of kanji are used?
What kind of hiragana or katakana are used?

"This feels like I'm being made to do something strange."

That kind of feeling might come up.

I understand.
But please bear with me for just a little longer.

Next,
hold that paper
at your eye level.

Next,
bring it close to your eyes
so that you cannot read the words.

Did you try it?

If you kept doing that, you wouldn't be able to read this text,
so I'm sure that right now,
you have the paper held away from your eyes, right?

In a state where the paper is right in front of your eyes,
you cannot see other text, and
your hands are occupied, making it difficult to do other things.

So, you
in order to continue reading,
moved the paper away from in front of you.

Now, please try
placing that paper somewhere out of your line of sight.

You don't need to tear it up or throw it away.
Try putting it somewhere you can't see it,
like inside a desk drawer or under your seat.

How is it?
Compared to when the paper was right in front of you,
you can do many more things.

You can enjoy the scenery,
and you can eat a meal with your hands now free.

When you are caught up in the past,
it is like having that paper right in front of you.

But what was written on that paper
was just 'words', right?

The past events that dominate your mind
are not actually happening again
right in front of you.

They arejust 'thoughts'.

If you keep staring at those 'thoughts',
trying to do something about them or erase them,
they will only bother you more.

How about it?
Just like you gently placed the paper somewhere else,
do you think you can also put some distance
between yourself and the past?

If you can put some distance,
what would you like to do?
What would you like to spend your time on?

Once you grasp thatsense of putting distance,this exercise is complete.

How was it?

I have introduced an exercise for defusion,
that is, for
'putting distance' between yourself and past eventsor the 'thoughts' that recall them.

If you can grasp the feeling of 'putting distance'
through this exercise,
it is a great success.

Thank you for reading
until the end!

For an overview of ACT,
please read the following article!