The reason you cannot change is not because you have a weak will, but because you lack a core
"I want to change..."
"I don't want to just keep getting older while being swept along like this..."
"For the sake of my family, and for my own sake, I want to start something."
Even though you think that, for some reason you cannot take action.
Even if you start, you don't continue.
If things don't go well even a little, you revert back.
Don't you also feel that kind of pain?
"I wonder if I have a weak will."
"In the end, I always just maintain the status quo."
That is how you end up blaming yourself.
To state the conclusion first, the reason you cannot change is not a lack of willpower.
The reason you cannot change is not because you have a weak will, but because you lack a core.
When a person's goals and standards remain vague,
they cannot determine the priority of their actions,
they become easily swayed by external stimuli and moods,
and as a result, they cannot continue.
1. It is not that your will is weak, you are just "deciding from scratch every time"
People who cannot change are deciding from scratch every time.
What should I do today?
Which one is the right answer?
In what order?
How much should I do?
How far do I need to go to pass?
Deciding from scratch is actually very tiring.
When people are tired, they cannot continue.
This is only natural.
And as a busy person, you must have many things to decide.
Work, household matters, children.
You are making many judgments every day.
From a psychological perspective,
people get tired the more times they have to make judgments.
In a tired state,
there is no energy left to change your behavior.
That is why you want to change but cannot.
What is needed at this time
is not to strengthen your will.
It is to create a "state where you don't have to decide every time."
What you need for that is a core.
When you have a core, your hesitation decreases.
When hesitation decreases, your actions become lighter.
Because your actions become lighter, you keep going.
2. Without a core, you move based on 'external correct answers' and eventually struggle
People without a core tend to move based on external correct answers.
This is not because they are unintelligent.
In fact, the more serious and conscientious you are, the more this happens.
Because it seems profitable
Because everyone else is doing it
Because I was told it was correct
Because successful people do it that way
External correct answers are convenient.
It is easy to take the first step.
But you will struggle along the way.
This is because external correct answers
are not necessarily suited to your life or personality.
Methods that require sacrificing sleep don't last when you have a family
Daily posting is easy to give up on when you are busy
Methods that require strong self-assertion are mentally exhausting
Methods that trigger perfectionism fall apart in the long run
Without a core, you try to continue even with methods that don't suit you
just because they are 'correct'.
When you can't keep it up, you engage in self-denial.
As self-denial increases, you look for another correct answer.
This is the 'loop of being unable to change'.
Therefore, what is needed for change
is not more effort.
It is having 'standards that suit you'.
That is your core.
3. The 'three words' to build a core and a core check for when you are lost
This time, I will introduce a way to create a core using "words."
You don't need difficult self-analysis.
Short words are enough.
Core word 1: For what purpose? (The core of purpose)
First, let's summarize your purpose in a single phrase.
It doesn't have to be a big dream.
Example:
Increase time spent with family
Regain peace of mind
Move closer to a way of working that feels right
Stop living a life where you are just drifting
When your purpose is defined in a single phrase,
it becomes easier to choose your actions.
Core word 2: How do you want to be? (The core of being)
Next is "what kind of person do you want to be as you move forward?"
Deciding your way of being before the results
makes it harder to push yourself too hard.
Example:
Continue without overexerting yourself
Do things honestly
Maintain your own pace
Within a range where you can remain kind to your family
When you have a way of being,
you can choose what to do and what not to do.
Core word 3: What will you not do? (The core of boundaries)
Finally, let's decide what you "will not do."
For a core, what you don't do
is more important than what you do.
Example:
Don't cut back on sleep
Don't aim for perfection
Don't ignore your physical condition
Don't keep comparing yourself to others
If you have these, you can get back on track even if you waver.
Core check when you're lost: 3 questions
Once you have your core, check it when you're lost.
A one-word answer is fine.
Does this bring me closer to my goal?
Does this align with who I want to be?
Does this break my 'don't do' list?
Just having this check allows you to make a new choice.
Those who can make new choices are the ones who can keep changing.
Summary
The reason you can't change isn't because you lack willpower, but because you lack a core.
It's not that your willpower is weak,
you're just tired from deciding everything from scratch every time.
The busier you are,
it's only natural to become paralyzed by decision fatigue.
Without a core, you act based on external 'correct' answers,
you suffer from methods that don't suit you,
and you easily fall into a loop of self-denial and searching for the right answer.
That's why what you need is not effort,
but standards that suit you.
Please try creating three core statements based on what I introduced this time.
Goal, way of being, and what not to do.
Use the core check to return to your path when you're lost.
Once you have a core, you will become stronger.
Strength isn't about grit, but about having a standard you can return to.
Just having that will ensure your daily life changes little by little.
Thank you for reading until the end.
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