The Aesthetics of Continuing Anyway
Every night, I sit at my desk at almost the same time.
After doing it for about two years, it starts to feel like monotonous routine work.
Writing on note is a fun time for me.
But since my imagination and words are swimming around in my head, putting them into language is more tiring than I thought.
And it is also a lonely task.
Especially when you cannot see the finish line.
Why am I writing this? What if it doesn't get read?, such anxieties always cross my mind.
That is not limited to note.
For the first year, the excitement outweighs everything else.
However, after two or three years pass, if you feel like you are not getting anywhere, you start to wonder whether you should keep going.
It is an incredibly difficult task to maintain energy, keep up passion, and continue putting in effort for a dream that you do not even know will come true.
Yoshiharu Habu, a legend in the world of shogi, left these words:
“If you were guaranteed to be rewarded for taking on a challenge, everyone would surely do it. Continuing to do so with the same passion, energy, and motivation in a place where you might not be rewarded is extremely difficult, and I believe that is what talent is.”
Furthermore, he also says this:
“I used to think that talent was a flash of brilliance. But now, I think that being able to maintain the same attitude and pour the same passion into something for ten, twenty, or thirty years is talent.”
Even so, as you get older, you start to see reality.
It is also a fact that the spirit of taking on challenges gradually fades.
Time is not infinite either.
Another 10 or 20 years.
I often wonder myself if I should be spending this energy here.
There must be other options, such as learning a language, reading books, or watching movies in the limited time available.
But I end up choosing to write.
As I mentioned before, actress and writer Yuri Nakae introduced words from the late Kiyoshi Kodama, with whom she was close.
“What you work on from the age of 50 is what will grow. When you can see the end of your life, you stop making an effort. Therefore, if you do not neglect your efforts, you will grow.”
I feel it is a bit different to view writing as an "effort," but "continuing to pour your passion into something regardless of the result" also seems like an aesthetic of life.
If I could live like that, I feel I could be a little proud of myself, whether my dreams come true or not.