I figured out why I wasn't getting replies on dating apps
When I first started using dating apps, I honestly struggled quite a bit.
I would get matches, but the conversation would end after the first message.
Even if I got a reply, it would fizzle out after two or three exchanges.
“What am I doing wrong?” I wondered that over and over.
Even when I changed my profile or updated my photos, things didn't go the way I wanted.
Looking back now, the biggest reason was how I was sending my messages.
In this post, I'll write about what I realized while actually going through the process of messaging people.
I'm not particularly experienced in dating, nor am I exceptionally good at conversation.
Even so, just by changing my mindset a little, I've been able to keep conversations going longer than before.
If there's anyone out there currently struggling with “not getting replies,”
you might find some of this helpful.
I was only sending “Nice to meet you”
In the beginning, I sent almost the exact same message whenever I got a match.
“Nice to meet you. Thanks for the match. Looking forward to getting to know you.”
I thought I was being polite. But one day, it suddenly occurred to me.
If I received the same message from several different people,
who would I actually want to reply to?
They would probably all look the same to me.
Maybe it was the same for the other person.
From then on, I made sure to read their profile and write just one thing
that caught my interest.
If they liked traveling, I'd talk about travel.
If they enjoyed cafe hopping, I'd ask, “Do you have any recommended spots?”
Just doing that increased the number of replies I got a little bit.
I was talking only about myself
I was so happy to get a reply that I would talk a lot about myself.
About my job. How I spend my days off. My hobbies.
But when I read it back later, there was almost no room for the other person to speak.
It was more like I was writing a diary than having a conversation.
Since then, I've started focusing more on listening than talking.
I also make sure to ask only one question at a time, rather than several at once.
Once I started choosing topics that were easier for the other person to answer,
the conversation began to flow naturally.
I used to get depressed just because a reply was slow
If I didn't get a reply for half a day,I'd think, 'Maybe they're not interested.'
That's all I could think about.
But once you're a working adult, you have a job,
and you might have plans on your days off.
Thinking about it now, there are days when I'm busy and barely look at my phone.
Yet, I was expecting the other person to reply right away.
A slow reply and a lack of interest are two different things, aren't they?
Once I realized that, I stopped worrying about how fast people replied as much as I used to.
With the people I kept talking to, I strangely didn't have to force it
I've noticed something while messaging a few different people.
With the ones I keep talking to for a long time, the tempo of the conversation is natural from the start.
The conversation continues without me having to force myself to find topics.
Our reply pace is similar, and the length of our messages is almost the same.
Conversely, with people where I'd worry every time about what to send,
I feel like one of us usually ended up stopping the replies.
Maybe compatibility shows up in things like this, too.
What I realized was more important than getting a reply
When I first started using dating apps,
my goal was just 'getting a reply'.
But what's truly important is what comes after that.
Meeting someone in person and feeling like you want to see them again.
Once I started thinking that way,
I stopped being swayed by every single reply.
It's natural that some people won't be a good match.
So, it's much easier on the mind to look for someone you can talk to as your true self.
Conclusion
When you don't get a reply, it can sometimes feel like you've been rejected.
However, looking back later,
it's often just a case of the timing not being right.
That's why I don't think you need to feel down just because of one person's reaction.
I feel that by reviewing how you send messages a little,
and continuing with the mindset of enjoying new encounters,
things often work out better in the end.
Dating isn't something where you need to rush for results.
As you gain experience little by little,
isn't it enough to just meet someone who suits you?
▶Recommended articles to read next
If you want to deepen your understanding of matching apps,
these articles are also recommended.
First, please try reading these three articles.
Explaining the common traits of men whose conversations stop.
▶Characteristics of men who can't keep a conversation going on matching apps
What is the reason why the first message makes a difference?
▶People who get left on read are almost decided by the first two messages
Introducing points for LINE messages that lead to dates。
▶Characteristics of LINE messages that make women think 'I want to meet him'
▶Click here if you want to learn about matching apps systematically
→Matching App Complete Strategy Magazine
From beginner guides to profile creation, messaging, and the first date,
I have summarized the flow for finding a partner.
▶For those who want to find a matching app that suits them
Actually, there are many cases where the reason you can't meet anyone
is simply 'choosing the wrong app'.
I am comparing recommended matching apps
for men in their 30s, 40s, and 50s.
Choosing an environment that suits you is the shortest path to moving your love life forward.
▶For those who want to know actual usable example sentences
Even if you get a match
・You don't know what to send
・The conversation doesn't continue
・It doesn't lead to a date
For those people, I have compiled actual usable example sentences and conversation flows.