Short Short | It was an insult.

My sister died.
It seems it was an accident.

When I woke up this morning, I expected to see my sister, who is always busy preparing for the day, but she wasn't there. I thought she might have gone to her boyfriend's place.

I found out about my sister while I was at work.
My mother called me suddenly, and since I was at work, I thought I would call her back later, but then the calls kept coming.
I figured something had happened and called her back immediately.

"Ri-chan died in an accident..."

My mother's voice was trembling so much I could tell even through the phone.
It was a voice I had never heard from my mother before.
My hands were shaking too.
My vision spun around.
My legs lost their strength.
It was a sensation I had never felt before.


I have no memory of what happened after that.
I suppose I told my manager about my sister, took some bereavement leave starting that day, and then got on the Shinkansen to return to my parents' home in Gunma Prefecture. I felt that the disappearance of someone who was such a natural part of my life, someone I had spoken to just the other day, made it impossible to think about anything at all.

My father came to pick me up at Takasaki Station, where the Shinkansen stops. The white light car that I always saw felt even smaller that day.

The reunion with my father, which should have been the happiest and most joyful moment, felt heavy and low, covering me like a cloudy winter day.

"Dad, are you okay?"

The first words we exchanged, which would usually be a simple greeting, became a check on each other's state of mind.

"Sae? Are you okay?"

There was no way I was okay.
At that moment, I felt the tears I had been holding back without realizing it come flooding out. I couldn't hold them back and cried out loud.
Why Ri-chan? Why? Why? Why did it have to be her?
My father was crying too, at a question that had no real answer. It was the first time I had seen my father's tears. I didn't want to see them for a reason like this.

The road to my parents' house felt very long.
The streets of Maebashi that I always see looked far away today, shrouded in mist, as if I were in a city I had never visited before. The two of us, my father and I, didn't say a word, and I held his hand the whole time. It was cold, but it was big, and it kept me firmly anchored to this world. As if to make sure I didn't go anywhere, as if to make sure I didn't leave.

I remembered how my sister would often talk loudly from the back seat when we were in the car. Just random things. Memories, work talk, complaints. She was a talkative person.
When I suddenly remembered my sister's presence, I couldn't stop crying again. Resisting the fact that she was no longer here, that I would never see her again, I wanted to see her again. I didn't really understand why I couldn't see her anymore.
I couldn't stop the tears.

When I arrived at my parents' house, my mother was waiting outside with our dog. I think she didn't want to be alone in the house. I couldn't be alone in this house either, where my sister's presence, her voice, and her touch still remained.

"Welcome home. You're not okay, are you?"

I'm not okay. I'm really not okay. I want this feeling to disappear. I want someone to take it far away, somewhere else. I'll do anything, I'll do whatever it takes, just please help me out of this.

Clinging to my mother like a drowning person clutching at a straw, I hugged her.
The three of us cried a lot. We cried without saying a word.
Our family dog also seemed to sense something and stayed by our side.
From today on, our family was no longer a family of five, but a family of four. And I became an only child.

Since then, things like the funeral and the paperwork flowed by in an instant, like clouds before a typhoon.

I even became able to laugh at memories of my sister.
But my heart felt quiet somewhere, as if I were watching myself laugh from a distance.

I was able to unlock my sister's iPhone and was organizing her photos, LINE messages, and memo apps. I had to cancel her subscriptions, and there was so much to do.
My sister was meticulous, so she had recorded all her passwords in a memo app.

Among them was one untitled memo.

《A memo I'll probably read when I die》



It didn't have a title, but that was written on the first line of the body.

When she died? Did my sister predict the accident?
Even though I knew it was something I shouldn't look at, my curiosity won out.

ーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーー
《A memo I'll probably read when I die》
I died today, didn't I? Ah well. It was a short life. It was a boring life. Damn it!!
Oops, excuse me, I used foul language.
I guess Cha-chan is reading this, right? Well, it doesn't matter who it is.
Anyway, I wanted to write a will just in case I died at any time. I tried writing a will⭐︎

For now, I'll write about everything up until now.
I'm going to write without worrying about context or anything, just ignoring it. Forgive me for any typos or omissions.
If you find any, fix them.

Anyway, the layout of our parents' house was weird, wasn't it?
It was different from a normal house, it was just weird. Also, what's with you banging on the wall when you're using the toilet, Cha-chan! lol It was hilarious. When I went to check, you were like, "Don't loooook!" wwwww
And Mom. Stop talking in the middle of the night with your mouth guard in, facing only me wwwww I'm sleepy, but you keep talking to me, so I don't remember what you were talking about in the second half wwwww
ーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーー


I quietly closed the memo app.

This is an insult.

What is with her? What is with that girl? Even after dying, she's still insulting people, what is with her?
Wait a minute. Is this one of those patterns where she tries to push me off a cliff but then saves me, and we end up saying sorry to each other?

Thinking that, I decided to keep reading.

ーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーー
This isn't a real will, okay.
I was just feeling frustrated and wrote it with the "setting" that I died. If you take it seriously, I'll blow you away.
Also, don't look at my iPhone without asking. It's gross. It's Cha-chan, right? I know that much.
ーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーー

I burst out laughing.

With my face still a mess from tears, I laughed out loud.

Seriously.
She didn't have the slightest intention of dying.

My sister was my sister until the very end.

I held the smartphone to my chest.

"You're so annoying, Ri-chan."

I said that, and laughed a little more.

This isn't a will.

It's just,
a memo from my mean-spirited sister.

It was an insult from my sister, who had absolutely no intention of dying.