Day 24 Laughter | I want to laugh together from the heart

What does "laughter" mean to me?

In my teens, it was like a weapon or armor. I often couldn't catch everything being said when talking with friends, so I didn't have much success with social relationships in junior high school. However, when I entered high school and joined a large group, I found that if I just kept smiling even when I didn't understand the conversation, things somehow worked out.

At home, my father, mother, and sister were always on edge. At the dinner table, I would make conversation with my father and mother, trying to convince myself that "we aren't on bad terms."

Before long, I started to think that smiling was my job. After experiencing customer service in a part-time job, I spent eight years after becoming a working adult pursuing the path of mastering customer service. I was happy that more people would smile because of my service.

But then I fell ill and could no longer work a job that required commuting. When it comes to working online, my smile isn't very useful. After working fully remotely for three and a half years, I completely exhausted my mental health.

Laughter disappeared from the house I live in with my husband, and it disappeared from my husband as well. I finally realized, "This isn't how it was supposed to be." I made a fresh start. I started exercising, improved my diet, quit my job, and here I am now.

Having given up on the hope of having children, my husband still doesn't smile much. Even so, when we talk about the future where I, having moved closer to health, go golfing with him, a faint light of "laughter" glows in our home.

I wish "laughter" were a magic spell for cherishing myself, the people I love, and the people who love me. I don't regret how I spent my teens or my twenties. My "laughter" in my thirties is surely just waiting for the moment to exert its power without fading.

I am participating in Rin Kiki's project!

#noteDeNoelLetter