My Dream Is Still Coming True

What is my dream?

I thought about it a lot, but it really is just "I want to write for the rest of my life."
Nothing else came to mind.

I have various goals, big and small, but almost all of them are connected to "I want to write for the rest of my life."

The "rest of my life" in "I want to write for the rest of my life" has the background of "(while living with bipolar disorder) for the rest of my life."

I suffer from bipolar disorder, also known as manic depression. I have been in treatment for a little under six years, but it still continues to wreak havoc on me.

I have been able to keep writing fan fiction for about 20 years, but I have walked away from blogs and note countless times.

That was the case in the spring of 2024, when I took a leave of absence due to a worsening of my bipolar disorder. Although it didn't affect my fan fiction manuscripts, I couldn't keep writing on note.

After returning to work in June 2024, I stayed away from note for about half a year, and then in February 2025, while I was writing a record of my leave of absence for the first time in a while,

I suddenly felt strongly, "I don't want to let go of writing anymore." Since I keep coming back to note like this, I don't want to quit anymore.

Since then, I have been on note every day.
It has only been about 50 days, but it is my longest daily streak.

I have been writing fan fiction for about 20 years, almost without ever letting it go, but I still want to have original works and essays, things I can call "my own work."

And I want my figure, continuing to write somehow while living with a mental illness, to be a catalyst for someone else to think, "I want to keep writing without giving up, too."

With that goal—or is it a desire?—in mind, I have set "I want to write for the rest of my life" as my theme, and I continue to write through the struggle, even when I am not feeling well.

Now, when will this dream come true?
Since it says "for the rest of my life," does it mean when I die?

If I am writing until the day I die, can I say it "came true"? But I won't know when or how I will die until that moment comes.

That is why I decided to write first thing in the morning.

If I write first thing in the morning, no matter what kind of accident I might have afterward, I can say I "wrote for the rest of my life."
It might be a ridiculous obsession. But it is earnest.

Because "(while living with bipolar disorder) writing for the rest of my life" also means "(while fighting bipolar disorder and choosing to live) writing for the rest of my life."

That is why I write every morning.
I write whenever I get the chance.

Since I never know when I might die, I write thinking that I might be gone by tonight.

So, in this moment that I am writing, my dream is probably coming true. Because every day is 'the last day'.

……I know, I think I'm being way too anxious myself (laughs).
Honestly, my dream is to live a long, healthy life until I'm 100, and even on my deathbed, to let go of my pen while still wishing that I could write for a lifetime. I hope it comes true.

#WritingClub
Topic: Tell us your dream!