"What do you think?" — Pausing before that question

What do you think?
What do you think?

A simple, yet profound question🧘‍♂️

Looking back, this was the question I struggled with most when I first studied abroad in the United States.

It wasn't so much that the English wouldn't come out... but rather,I didn't have my own opinion.

"I have to say the right answer... but nothing is coming to mind."

Bathed in the gazes of those around me, I just stayed silent. As the atmosphere in the room grew tense, I couldn't move my mouth.
I break into a cold sweat just remembering it😰

"It's okay to express myself. In fact, it's better if I do."

It took a fair amount of time for me to realize that.

Since then, after gaining experience, "What do you think?" has become one of my favorite questions😊

Even in business settings, whenever I'm asked by clients, colleagues, or bosses, I've answered as honestly as I can.
Especially when I'm asked while feeling the other person's trust, I sometimes end up talking more than necessary (this is a bad habit😅).

But—

For some reason, there are people I don't want to answer honestly.

"I'm sorry, but I don't want to tell you."

Along with a sense of rejection, a calm inner voice makes itself heard.

There was someone who used to ask me the same question repeatedly.
Even while I answered seriously, we were somehow missing each other. As the sense of discomfort piled up, I realized something one day.

— This person might not be interested in my opinion at all —

7 hidden motives behind "What do you think?"

1. Killing time
   Idling to fill the space. They aren't actually interested in the content of the answer.

2. Shifting responsibility
   They don't want to make a judgment themselves, so they want to be in a position to say "because you said so" later.

3. Checking the power dynamic
   They are quietly testing how you react, how much you'll speak your mind, and how obedient you are.

4. Seeking agreement/laying the groundwork
   The conclusion is already decided. They want to be able to say later that "so-and-so also said that."

5. The habit of stopping one's thinking
   There is no malice. It is just a habit of reflexively asking others before thinking for oneself.

6. Securing the initiative in conversation
   I want to gain an advantage in negotiations by not revealing my own information and making the other person speak first.

7. The question is too abstract
   The points, premises, and objectives are all vague, making it impossible to answer in the first place.
   ※To be honest, while writing this, I realized some of these apply to me as well, and I feel a bit reflective...

I can understand that the other person has various circumstances.
But honestly, when I am in the opposite position, it doesn't feel good either.

So, what is a "good question"? — Flip the perspective

1. Genuine interest
   I genuinely want to know your perspective. I want to use what I hear to inform my own thinking.

2. Self-responsibility
   I will make the final decision myself. I am seeking opinions to deepen my own thoughts.

3. Equal dialogue
   I want to create something better together by honestly sharing our true feelings on a level playing field.

4. Pure information gathering
   I don't have a conclusion yet. I want to use your opinion as one of the materials for my judgment.

5. Intentional questioning
   After thinking it through myself, I ask what I still want to know.

6. Open attitude
   While disclosing my own thoughts, I seek answers together through dialogue.

7. Clarification of points
   I organize the premises, objectives, and what I want to ask before posing the question.

Yeah, just doing this seems like it would improve human relationships.

What do you think?

Before throwing this simple question at someone else, I decided to ask it to myself first.

Do I really want to hear the other person's answer right now?