The True Meaning of Why Developmental Disorders Are Called 'Social Impairments'

When you look up developmental disorders,

you see explanations like "poor communication,"
"poor at interpersonal relationships,"
"challenges with social skills."

These are written quite lightly.
It makes it sound like you're just a bit bad at socializing or not good at small talk. That's not it.

It makes it sound like you're just a bit bad at socializing or not good at small talk.

That's not it.

You have to perform a massive amount of 'invisible processing' required to live in society at a higher cost than others.

This is closer to the reality.

For ASD, 'society' is at the center of the diagnostic criteria to begin with.

First of all, ASD is quite easy to understand.

Even in the DSM-5 diagnostic criteria, for ASD,persistent deficits in social communication and social interactionare placed at the core.

Specifically, this includes reciprocal exchanges, non-verbal communication,
and the formation, maintenance, and understanding of interpersonal relationships.

In other words, it's not just a matter of "I'm bad at making friends."
Human society is incredibly ambiguous.

"Let's go for a drink sometime"—is that a real invitation or just a polite formality?

"If possible, by today"—does that mean by 5:00 PM or by the time you clock out?

"Think about it a little"—does that mean I should prepare a document,
or is it enough to just think about it?

Is this a situation where I should voice a dissenting opinion in a meeting, or is it a situation where I should just stay silent and comply?
Nobody gives you a rulebook.

Ordinary people combine facial expressions, tone of voice, past relationships, the atmosphere of the situation,
and the reactions of those around them to somehow come up with an answer.

With ASD,this 'somehow' processing is prone to discrepancies and strain.
That's why the difficulty level suddenly spikes when you enter society.

In school, there's a timetable. There are teachers. Homework deadlines are set.

In a company, there are countless demands to 'read the room and act accordingly.'
No wonder it's easy to get stuck.

ADHD is a little different. It's less about 'not understanding' and more about 'not being on time.'

Calling ADHD a 'social impairment' in the same sense as ASD is medically a bit reckless.

The core symptoms of ADHD are inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity, and
social communication disorder itself is not the center of the diagnostic criteria.

In adults with ADHD, work-related problems and deteriorating interpersonal relationships are prone to occur.

In this case, rather than 'not understanding the other person's feelings,' there are many accidents where
they understand, but cannot take the appropriate action at that moment.

I need to reply. I know that.
Three days pass.

I shouldn't interrupt the conversation. I know that.
I speak the moment I think of something.

I should report before the deadline. I know that.
I struggle, thinking 'I'll manage it myself a bit more,' and end up right before the deadline.

If I forget a promise, the other person will feel bad.
The person themselves knows that. Even so, they forget.

This is what's tough. Because society evaluates people not by 'whether they understood,' but by
what they actually did.

In society, 'an accumulation of small discomforts' has more impact than 'one big failure'.

The process by which people with developmental disorders become isolated isn't necessarily triggered by a dramatic incident. It's actually quite small.

The timing of greetings is off.
The story is a bit long.
Taking jokes literally.
Not replying to LINE messages.
Interrupting conversations.
Telling the same story over and over.
Getting in a bad mood due to sudden schedule changes.
Being slow to ask for advice.
Not stopping when it comes to topics they like.

One by one, these aren't a big deal.

However, in interpersonal relationships, these pile up 100 times.
Then, it becomes 'somehow difficult to talk to'.

Furthermore, it becomes 'they're not a bad person, but...'.

Before long, they stop being invited.
This is the scary part of sociality.

For exams, it says if you get 60 points, you pass.
There is no grading sheet for interpersonal relationships.
One day, you are suddenly just notified of failure.

The person themselves doesn't know 'what went wrong'.

I think this is a very difficult part of having a developmental disorder.

If it's work, it's still okay.
You made a mistake in Excel. You missed a deadline. It's clear in numbers.
Interpersonal relationships are different.

Someone who was talking to you normally until yesterday becomes somewhat cold.
Responses to group LINE messages decrease.
You stop being invited to drinking parties.

Suddenly, your boss says,
'Please be a little more conscious of your communication with those around you'.

No, you end up thinking, what exactly am I supposed to fix?

You repeat these unexplained failures from childhood.

You don't fit in with friends.
You get scolded by teachers.
Your romantic relationships don't work out.
You aren't valued at work.
You change jobs.

And you get stuck in human relationships again.
It's no wonder some people start avoiding others.

In fact, loneliness is reported as a major issue for adults with ASD,
and friendships, social support, and understanding and acceptance from those around them are linked to loneliness.

Adults with ADHD also report difficulties in interpersonal relationships, masking,
and the experience of feeling 'different' from society.

It's also wrong to just end it with 'people with developmental disorders lack empathy'.

In the past, ASD was often explained as
people who don't understand how others feel.

Now, it is thought of in a more complex way.
It is the so-called Double Empathy Problem.

It's not just that people with ASD cannot understand neurotypical people; neurotypical people also cannot accurately read the intentions and emotions of people with ASD.

In other words, it is the idea that mutual understanding breaks down between people with different communication styles.
It is not just people with developmental disorders who unilaterally 'lack social skills.'


Society itself uses the communication style of neurotypical people as the standard.

That is why the minority is at a disadvantage.
It is somewhat similar to how foreigners have accidents in Japan's 'please read between the lines' culture.

Even though it's an unwritten rule, people say, 'You should know that, right?'
No, it's not written anywhere, is it?

In the real world, you are required to have the 'ability to adapt'.

It's dangerous to end the conversation neatly here.
'There are problems on society's side too.'

That's true. That's why reasonable accommodations and environmental adjustments are necessary.

However, companies, partners, and friends won't always act by adjusting 100% to your traits
.

Even if you say at work, 'I have ADHD, so I forget to reply,'
that doesn't mean it's okay to leave a reply to a client for a week.

Even if you say, 'I don't understand unwritten rules because I have ASD,'
that doesn't mean it's okay to keep making your colleagues angry every day.

Accommodations are meant to help with connecting to society,
not to make that connection unnecessary.

That is why self-understanding is necessary.
Where do you have accidents?

Is it vague instructions?
Time management?
Small talk?
When you get emotional?
Changes in plans?
Reporting, communicating, and consulting?
The sense of distance in human relationships?

Once you know that, you can attach your own training wheels.
There is no need to try to 'be normal'.
However, it is better to at least be aware of where accidents are likely to happen.

The difficulties of living with a developmental disorder cannot be explained solely by 'low ability'.

Among those with developmental disorders, there are people who are knowledgeable.
There are people with high academic backgrounds.
There are even people who are exceptionally good at their jobs.
Yet, their lives can still fall apart.

Why?Because life is not just a test of ability. That is why.

Joining a company, being taught by others, consulting, being trusted,
being entrusted with work, living with someone, discussing when problems arise, and repairing relationships.

A significant part of life is made up of connections with others. That is where friction occurs repeatedly.

Therefore, explaining developmental disorders as merely 'a problem with concentration' or 'poor communication skills'
misses the essence.

You can score points on your own when studying.
You can learn programming on your own.
You can even earn certifications on your own.

Even so, life cannot be completed alone.

Employment, evaluations, promotions, romance, marriage, and friendships—
all of these involve the judgment of others at some point..

The reason developmental disorders are difficult is not necessarily because of a lack of ability.
The 'connection points' needed to keep using your abilities within society are easily broken.
That is where the weight of the term 'social impairment' lies.

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