What I really wanted was to be understood

I think I said "I'm fine"
because I wanted you to notice that I wasn't.

I smiled and said "I'm okay"
only because I couldn't put into words what was hurting me.

I wanted someone to understand.
But if someone asked, I didn't feel like I could answer well.

So, I chose silence.
So, I wore a smile like a mask.

What was it that I really wanted to be understood?
I feel like I understand a little better now.

It's not a "reason."
It's not a "persuasive explanation" either.

Just,
"I understand why you feel that way"
if there had been even one person to say that to me—

I surely would have been saved.

So now, when I encounter someone's words,
I try not to think, "I have to understand."

I probably can't ever truly understand.
But anyone can "try to understand."

I want to understand.
Someone's distorted, incomplete, and unspoken "feelings."

Feelings that no one else could understand.
Emotions that I just couldn't explain.

If there is a "part of myself"
that I left behind in that way,
I want to be someone who can gently stay close to those memories.

🌙
The loneliness of not being understood
can sometimes change into something a little kinder
when someone who understands finally appears.

May someone's pain
be eased, even just a little, by someone else's words.

With that wish in mind—
I continue to write words today.