Am I a bad parent for not being able to be happy about my son leaving the nest?

I have a daughter who is 25 this year and a son who is 23.
Raising children was hard work, but they grew up in the blink of an eye and reached the time to leave the nest.

I know very well that leaving the nest is a happy and celebratory occasion, but since I have been with my children for so long, the loneliness is particularly intense.

Feelings of loneliness and sadness tend to run wild if you try to force them down, don't they?

The other day, I ended up lashing out at my son.

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Recently, my son, a senior in college, finished his job offer ceremony. He will finally become a working adult next spring.

My daughter left the nest, and my son received his job offer at the end of last year. Just as I was relieved that child-rearing had finally reached a milestone, my son confided in me,I want to live on my own.he said.

I knew it... I had a feeling that was coming.

My daughter, two years older, started working this April and just began living on her own.

Since we had lived together for 24 years, my husband, my son, and of course I were lonely living without our daughter.

When my daughter was here, she was busy with graduate school and my son with college, so we rarely ate dinner together, maybe once a week if that.

Even so, I knew my daughter and son were sleeping in their rooms when I woke up in the morning...

In March, I was busy with my daughter's graduate school graduation and her move, so I thought I wouldn't have time to feel lonely, but the loneliness hit me properly.

After the move was finished, my husband would just stare at the empty "daughter's room." He seemed to be deeply reflecting on the fact that she had lived in that room.

My son was close with his older sister, and they would often talk in the living room until late at night. I don't know how many times I told them to go to bed early because their talking was too loud.

Just as that overwhelming loneliness was finally fading and I thought I had gotten used to life without my daughter, now it's my son...

If my son also leaves home, he will live on his own, and the four of us will likely never live together as a family again.

Our family of four became three, and soon it will be a life for two.
Thinking about that, it really is lonely.

So, at that point, I thought I couldn't agree to my son's request.

But the reason I can't fully support my son living on his own isn't just because I'm lonely.

My son's room is so cluttered that I have to tell him to clean it up every single day.

Reference books and textbooks are piled up on his desk, and empty plastic bottles are left rolling on the floor. I often wonder if he ever even uses the vacuum cleaner.

It's not quite to the point where there's no room to step, but it's definitely not a clean room.

My son prefers sleeping over cleaning his room.
I don't say it to his face, but I call it a "pigsty." (Sorry, son.)

With his room in that state, my imagination just runs wild, thinking that if he starts living on his own, he won't cook, will only eat convenience store bento boxes, and trash will pile up in his room. I worry it might turn into a garbage house.

I couldn't help but blurt out, "No way! I can't support this when I look at how you live now!"

My son says, "I'll manage once I'm living on my own!" but I told him firmly, "If you're just going to eat convenience store bento boxes instead of cooking for yourself, I can't let you live alone."

After that, my son started avoiding arguments and stopped saying anything at all.

Then, my husband, who had been watching quietly, said with a serious look, "You're just lonely because it's going to be just the two of us, aren't you!"

Huh, what was that!?

I thought for a moment, but no matter how much I thought about it, I couldn't find a rebuttal, so I told my son, "Let's talk about this later."

Both my husband and I came from the countryside and moved to Tokyo for school, so we both lived on our own.

By living alone, I learned that if you don't take the trash out on trash day, it won't get picked up, and I learned how to manage money. That experience has been useful in our married life as well.

Not only that, but when my husband was 23 and I was 21, my parents didn't oppose our marriage. They must have been worried, but they sent us off without ever showing it.

Looking back, I realized that my parents never refused to let me live alone or get married just because they were lonely.

I was taken aback when my husband hit the nail on the head during our discussion the other day.

I had been setting aside my own feelings of loneliness and using my son's inability to do things as an excuse to prevent him from living on his own.

I do feel lonely, but that doesn't mean I can keep my child tied to me forever.

I hadn't realized my own feelings until my husband pointed them out. Because my husband spoke to me calmly, I was able to realize that I hadn't let go of my child.

Facing feelings of loneliness is tough. But because of this, I learned that trying to force those feelings away only ends up hurting the family.

From now on, I learned that whenever I feel like reflexively pushing back against what my family says, I must first properly check where my own feelings lie.

But honestly, I can't help but wonder if my son, who lives in such a messy room, will be okay living on his own, haha.

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