I was told, 'When I die, dispose of everything!' But when the time comes, you suddenly find you cannot dispose of anything.

The weight of things is the weight of the heart.
I am Yuko Shirasaka, here for your estate organization needs.

"When I die, you can throw everything in this room away as trash."
"Please dispose of my belongings without leaving a single thing behind."

There are many people who leave such clear-cut words behind while they are still alive.
And the people told this often reply on the spot, "Understood, I will do that."

However, when that time actually arrives and you stand before the belongings in a room where no one is left, we find ourselves standing still.

A tea bowl or an old jacket that should have been "just things" until yesterday simply cannot be thrown away.

Why do our hands stop, even though we promised so firmly that we would?

Hidden there is a deep psychology unique to humans and a form of love.


1. The "Endowment Effect" and the "Extended Self" that resides in objects

There is a concept called the "Endowment Effect." This is the nature of humans to feel a value greater than the objective market value for things they own.

However, being "unable to throw away" during estate organization is not merely a desire for possession.

Psychologist William James taught that"Possessions are an extension of the self." The fountain pen the deceased loved, the chair they always sat in, the worn-out apron.

These are not just material objects; they appear to our eyes as parts of the deceased's body, or as an extension of "the person themselves."

"Throwing things away" feels as if it is "erasing that person's existence once again." The pain we feel is not heartlessness, but the expansion of the "boundaries of the self" that cherishes the deceased."The expansion of the boundaries of the self".


2. The "Endowment Effect" and the psychology of gratitude

The "Endowment Effect," which overestimates the value of things once obtained, is also at work."Endowment Effect" also works.

The words "Please dispose of everything" were, for the deceased, the greatest consideration of "not wanting to burden those left behind," and a kind of "gift."

However, for the person who received them, those items filled with "kindness in the name of consideration" hold an irreplaceable value.

The more you are told "it's okay to throw it away," the more you remember that humility and kindness, and ironically, the hurdle to disposing of them rises. This is also proof that you have correctly received the "heart" of the deceased.


3. The "presence of absence" taught by philosophy

Existentialist philosopher Sartre left an interesting observation about "absence.""Absence" .

When someone is gone, that "absence" appears instead as an intense "sense of presence."

Glasses placed in a room that has lost its master eloquently tell the story that "the owner is no longer here" simply by being there.

The reason you cannot dispose of things is that you are overwhelmed by the "sense of presence of absence" that those objects emit.

The reason the organization is not progressing is that you are in the middle of a "dialogue" with the deceased.

"We used this at that time, didn't we?" "You cherished this, didn't you?" Through each and every object, you are re-weaving your memories. This process is an essential time for recovering from grief.

You don't have to blame yourself for "not being able to throw things away."

If you are currently blaming yourself, thinking, "I was told to throw everything away, so why am I so indecisive?" please stop.

The feeling of "not being able to dispose of them" is not because you are heartless, but is nothing other than "proof of love" that the deceased was so deeply rooted in your life."proof of love" that the deceased was so deeply rooted in your life.

The true intention of the deceased who left behind the words "Please throw everything away" was not to make you throw things away, but was surely the wish that "after I die, I want you to live freely, lightly, and happily.""After I die, I want you to live freely, lightly, and happily." .

Useful tips for "organizing the heart"

You don't have to clean everything up at once. Please try the following steps little by little.

•"Externalization of memory"
Dispose of them after taking a photo. Even if the object is gone, the episode that the object symbolized remains in your hands.

• "Changing roles"
Let go of items the deceased used "for themselves" in a way that is "useful to someone else" (recycling or donation). This becomes a ritual to connect the life of the object.

• Trust in "time as medicine"
In psychology, there is a "timing" for organization. If it's impossible today, it's okay to do it in three months or a year.


In conclusion

Estate organization is not the work of reducing things, but the work of upgrading your relationship with the deceased from a "visible form" to a "form within the heart."

It is within the conflict of "not being able to throw away" that the bond between you and the deceased lives on. Please be proud of that conflict.

It's okay to take it slow.

At your own pace, let's carefully store your memories back into your heart.

Thank you for reading until the end.

If you'd like, please connect with me.
Follows and comments are also very welcome.
I will also actively reach out to connect 🎵
I hope we can meet again.