Easy Parenting (2) "Is there anything you've forgotten?"
Introduction
"Did you put your socks on properly?"
"Did you finish brushing your teeth?"
"Hey, make sure you have your school bag."
"You forgot to turn off the lights."
Until now, every time my child made a mistake, I would give them instructions one by one, telling them to do this or that. Or I would scold them. As a parent, I was exhausted by this daily repetition.
However, one day I realized something. Perhaps there is a simpler way than giving such detailed instructions.
"Is there anything you've forgotten?"
Just this one phrase. With just this, parenting has become much easier. There is no need to get angry, and no need to give detailed instructions.
Problems with conventional parenting methods
Parental burden
With conventional methods, parents gave detailed instructions every time a child made a mistake. This was a heavy burden for parents. Saying the same thing over and over is exhausting both mentally and physically.
Every busy morning, checking things like a checklist: "Did you put your socks on?" "Did you brush your teeth?" "Do you have your school bag?" Both parent and child were fed up with this repetition.
Impact on children
Children tended to just follow parental instructions mechanically. Instead of thinking and acting for themselves, they ended up in a passive state of just doing what they were told by their parents.
This makes it difficult for a child's independence and judgment to develop. There is a possibility that a state of dependency on the parents will continue.
A new approach: Simple questions
Basic concept
The question "Is there anything you've forgotten?" is not intended to give direct instructions to the child, but rather toremindthem. This way, the parent doesn't need to get angry, and the child can realize it for themselves.
The wonderful thing about this question is that it gives the childan opportunity to think. Instead of the parent teaching the answer, the child finds the answer themselves.
Effects
This method significantly reduces the burden on parents. You don't have to get angry, and you don't need to give detailed instructions. You just need to remind the child.
Also, the child's independence is fostered. They develop the habit of thinking and acting for themselves.
Child's reaction patterns
Pattern 1: They are told, and they rush to do it
This is when a child is asked, "Is there anything you're forgetting?" and rushes to take action.
In this case, the child has realized what they need to do on their own. Unlike doing things mechanically because a parent told them to, this leads to proactive behavior. This is a very good reaction.
Pattern 2: They are told, and the child is confused about what to do
This is when a child is asked, "Is there anything you're forgetting?" and does not know what to do.
In this case, it means the parent had not properly explained what the child needed to do. Surprisingly, children often do not understand things that parents take for granted.
This is a good opportunity, so let's explain it slowly. Explain in detail what to do, why to do it, and by when it needs to be done. In most cases, things will improve from next time.
Benefits of this method
Reducing the burden on parents
There is no need to give detailed instructions, and you will stop getting angry. Parenting becomes easier.
Child's growth
Because the child learns to notice and act on their own, they acquire proactive behavior.
Improvement in parent-child relationship
Since there is less anger, the parent-child relationship becomes better. The child will also stop feeling resistant toward the parent.
Tips for practice
Timing
Use this when the child is about to forget something or has forgotten something. It is important to use it at the appropriate timing rather than every single time.
Tone of voice
It is important to say it in a tone that gently reminds them, rather than a tone that sounds angry or accusatory.
Consistency
Even if it doesn't work the first time, by using it consistently, your child will come to understand the meaning of this question.
Examples of actual conversations
During morning preparations
Parent: "Is there anything you're forgetting?"
Child: "Oh, I didn't brush my teeth!" (Realizes and acts on their own)
Before going out
Parent: "Is there anything you're forgetting?"
Child: "Hmm, what was it?" (Confused)
Parent: "The forecast says it will rain today, so how about an umbrella?"
Adapting by age
3-5 years old: Provide more specific hints along with it
6-8 years old: A basic question is sufficient
9 years old and up: Can understand even more abstract questions
Points of caution and limitations
Situations where it is not suitable
Emergencies: Situations like fires or accidents where immediate action is required
Dangerous behavior: Important situations involving the child's safety
First-time experiences: New things the child has absolutely no experience with
Long-term effects
By continuing this method, children will gradually develop the habit of thinking for themselves. Eventually, even without the parent asking, the child may start asking themselves, "Is there anything I've forgotten?"
Conclusion
The simple question, "Is there anything you've forgotten?" is an effective method that not only makes parenting easier but also contributes to a child's growth.
Instead of aiming for perfect parenting, it is important to find ways that make life easier for both parent and child. I hope you try this method and that it makes your parenting even a little bit easier.
Parenting is a long journey. You don't need to be perfect every day. Finding ways for both parent and child to be at ease is the most important thing.
(To be continued)
