Easy Parenting (3): A Parenting Method Using Goal Setting and Progress Management

Introduction

Every morning is a struggle until it's time to go to school, isn't it?

“Eat your breakfast quickly.”
“You’ve stopped moving.”
“Get dressed quickly.”
“Hey, stop watching TV.”
“If you dawdle, you’ll be left behind.”

If their speed drops even a little, the parent’s voice rings out: “Hurry, hurry.” But a child is a child. They easily get sidetracked. If they catch a glimpse of the TV, they get absorbed in it; if they see a toy, their hands reach for it. Parents often find themselves constantly frustrated with such children. Days are spent sighing, “Why is this child so slow…?”

It’s exhausting for the parent, and it’s no fun for the child to be constantly scolded. Carrying out this battle from the morning is nothing but stress for both parent and child.

Is there any way to improve this situation? Actually, by applying management techniques used in business, there is a way to make things surprisingly easier. Moreover, it doesn’t just make things easier for the parent; it also leads to the child’s growth.

Specific Methods

(1) Setting Goals

First, start the morning conversation like this:

“What time are you leaving today?”
“Hmm, 7:50.”
“Oh, 50? Isn’t that difficult?”
“(A bit annoyed) I’ll be fine!”

The point here is to let the child decide the goal themselves, rather than the parent setting it. Because it is a goal they decided themselves, it becomes a “personal matter” for the child. It is not a goal forced upon them by a parent, but a promise they declared themselves. This is the first step in fostering independence.

In the field of psychology, there is a concept known as “Self-Determination Theory.” Proposed by Edward Deci and Richard Ryan, this theory shows that having the right to make one’s own decisions (autonomy) increases intrinsic motivation. Having a child set their own goals is a practice that fosters exactly this autonomy.

However, children forget quickly. That is why the next step is important.

(2) Managing Progress

After setting the goal, just say something like this:

“What time was the goal again?”
“...50.”
“It’s 35 now.”
(Looking at the clock) “Oh no!” (Hurries to do the next thing)

After that, just remind them occasionally like this. All the parent needs to do is make them aware of the gap between the goal and the current situation. Instead of ordering them to “hurry up,” you can just convey the facts by saying, “What time is it now?”

Many studies in educational psychology show that such “descriptive feedback (presenting facts)” enhances learning effectiveness more than “evaluative feedback (judging good/bad).” Communicating “What time is it now? (fact)” rather than “Hurry up (evaluation)” is more likely to encourage the child’s autonomous behavior.

The child notices the time, thinks “Oh no!”, and takes action themselves. This is the ideal flow. The child set the goal. The child is the one in a hurry. The parent simply acts as a facilitator who communicates progress. It’s simple, isn’t it?

The Effects of This Method

Benefits for Parents

Compared to the days when you had to keep a sharp eye on your child to make sure they weren't slacking off, this is much easier. After all, once the goals are set, all you have to do is ask, "What time is it now?" There is no need to monitor them, and no need to get angry.

Parental stress is significantly reduced. This is the very essence of the core philosophy of the Easy Parenting series: "When parents are at ease, it creates room for growth."

In fact, multiple studies have shown that high levels of parental stress reduce the quality of parenting, while conversely, when parents are more at ease, the quality of interaction with their children improves.

Benefits for Children

Because children act toward goals they have set themselves, their sense of agency is nurtured. Furthermore, they develop the habit of being conscious of the clock, which improves their time management skills.

Setting their own goals, checking progress, and adjusting their actions—these are the foundations of self-management skills that will be useful throughout their lives. According to research by psychologist Albert Bandura, the experience of achieving self-set goals has been shown to increase self-efficacy. Self-efficacy is the belief that "I can do it," and it is deeply linked to the motivation to tackle difficult tasks in the future.

A Win-Win for Both Parent and Child

Parents become more relaxed, and children grow. The results are also excellent. It truly builds a win-win relationship for both parent and child.

The atmosphere in the morning also changes. When parents stop getting angry, children can act more calmly. Freed from the pressure of being rushed with "Hurry up, hurry up," they can prepare at their own pace (albeit while working toward the goals they set themselves).

Commonalities with Management Techniques

This method is actually based on the same principles as business management techniques: Goal Setting, Progress Tracking, and regular feedback. These are fundamental methods used in managing adults as well.

By using "time" as a clear KPI (Key Performance Indicator) and providing feedback in short cycles, techniques proven effective in the business world can be applied to parenting lower-elementary school children.

Come to think of it, both adults and children take proactive action toward goals they have set themselves. Perhaps it is a fundamental human trait, regardless of age, to be more motivated by goals one sets oneself than by goals imposed by others.

This method also shares elements with "coaching-style parenting," which has been gaining attention in recent years. In coaching-style parenting, rather than the parent providing the answers, the focus is on drawing out the child's agency through questions like "What do you want to do?" or "What will you do?" Asking "What time is it now?" is truly a coaching questioning technique.

Practical Tips and Precautions

Start with simple goals

When trying this method for the first time, the trick is to start with goals that are easy to achieve. If you set difficult goals right away, your child might get discouraged. It is best to start with a goal that allows for some leeway, such as "leave by 7:55," and adjust it gradually.

Tone of voice is important

The tone of voice you use when asking "What time is it?" is very important. If you say it in an angry way, it ends up being the same as saying "Hurry up." Just be matter-of-fact and state the truth. That is all it takes.

When things don't go as planned

If you don't make it by the target time, there is no need to get angry. You can simply connect it to the next goal setting by saying, "We didn't make it today. What time should we leave tomorrow?" Instead of blaming failure, use it to improve the next attempt. This is also a fundamental principle of management.

Combining with other easy parenting methods

This method works perfectly with the "Is there anything you're forgetting?" prompt introduced in Easy Parenting (2). Use "What time is it now?" for time management, and "Is there anything you're forgetting?" for checking for forgotten items. Since both methods encourage the child to realize things for themselves, combining them creates a synergistic effect.

Conclusion

Management for adults and parenting for children (lower elementary school age) have quite a lot in common. Techniques proven effective in business, such as goal setting and progress management, can be applied to parenting.

It is not difficult. Let the child set the goals, and the parent just helps them notice their progress. It is a simple and practical method.

This method can be applied not only to morning preparations but also to other situations like homework and tidying up. Ask, "What time will you finish your homework by?" or "What time will you finish tidying up by?" and let the child set the goal themselves. Then, just have them check their progress by asking, "What time is it now?" By continuing this, the child's self-management skills will further improve.

Making things easier for parents is by no means cutting corners. By creating more room for parents, they can provide a better environment for their children. This is the basic philosophy of the Easy Parenting series. Please try this approach to parenting that makes both parents and children happy.

(To be continued)