The 'Me Who Is No One' I Want to Show My Children

A little while ago, I read a piece by Hiiro-san, whom I follow, and there were words that really stayed with me.

'The me who is no one'

For a long time, I wanted to become someone.

Every time I encountered wonderful creative work,
I wished I could be the kind of person who could create something that leaves such an impression on others.

When I trace the true meaning of that,
I think it was because I wanted someone to acknowledge my existence.

I think I wanted to fulfill that
by 'becoming someone'.

Some time ago,
'what kind of example I want to set as a parent'
was a topic I heard from an acquaintance.

I have been thinking about that ever since.
What kind of figure do I want to show as a parent?

But for a long time, I didn't know.

Reading Hiiro-san's writing,
I felt like I found the answer to
what I think now.

'Being the me who is no one'

The me who is no one,
the me who is just one person,

living in this small country town,
where most people in the world don't know I exist,
such a tiny me,

is simply living.

While cherishing the important people within my reach.
While loving that me who is no one.

That is,
living my true self
to the very best of my ability.

Perhaps I want to show that side of myself
to my children.

You don't have to become someone.
You are fine just as you are.

Just as you are,
the kind person you are.

Even while you are lost,
please live your life to the fullest.

Perhaps that is what I want to convey.

I used to think that if I didn't become someone,
if I didn't strive to become that,
I wouldn't be loved.

No, that's wrong.

It was me,
I myself,
who wasn't loving me.

The one who didn't acknowledge the me who is no one,
the one who couldn't forgive,
the one who couldn't love,

was me.

That is why,

I don't want my children to live by killing themselves like that,
I want them to walk through life vividly as they are,
I truly wish for my children to be that way.

And that is,

by showing them that I myself
am living in the way I desire,
I can convey that.

I realized that.

'The Me Who Is No One'

Reading Hiiro-san's writing,
it struck me.

This is the version of myself I want to show my children,
living with a gentle breath,
and the person I want to be right now.

Hiiro-san,
thank you for your wonderful writing.