Private Novel Pro-Wrestling Match Report

Sanshiro Takagi 30th Anniversary Debut Tournament: NEVER SAY NEVER
Monday, February 3, 2025 - Shinjuku FACE
Doors open 18:20, Start 19:00

Second Match: Special Single Match - Private Novel Pro-Wrestling Rules, 30-minute time limit
Muscle Sakai vs. Hyper Misao

Pre-match announcement

Before the match, the ring announcer stated:
The second match about to take place will be held under 'Private Novel Pro-Wrestling Rules,' where the pro-wrestling match itself becomes a story.
Both Muscle Sakai and Hyper Misao have created numerous dramas in the ring, and through rigorous training in emotional expression and special technology, they are now able to convey messages directly to your brains.
Their inner voices, or 'monologues,' will resonate directly within your minds during the match. Please listen quietly so you do not miss a single word from the wrestlers. Let us experience the new possibilities of pro-wrestling through the words, conflicts, and expressions of feelings woven by these two.
And now, 'Private Novel Pro-Wrestling' begins.

*Below, inner voice sections are indicated in bold

Entrance

First, 'Reload' plays and Muscle Sakai enters, but here is Sakai's monologue.

——From the 7th floor of this building, located exactly between the Shinjuku Toho Building and the Tokyu Kabukicho Tower, on a clear day, you can see the figures of the 'Toyoko Kids' in the twilight glow as the city's bustle fades. How many of the spectators sitting in these seats feel the emotional disconnect created by the mere few dozen meters of vertical distance separating the kids gathered on the ground from this 7th floor where we perform pro-wrestling? There is a sky here, too. ...Also, why am I the senior, yet I'm the one entering 'first'?

Next, 'HERO (When You Become a Hero, It's Now)' hits and Misao enters, followed by Misao's monologue.

——Threading my way between the sewer rats crawling in the gutters and the touts for concept cafes, passing the building overlooked by Godzilla, and ignoring the Toyoko Kids to finally reach this building—the fact that a ring has been set up and so many spectators have gathered on a weekday night is something the streetwalkers in Okubo Park could never imagine. Eyes filled with excitement and anticipation for what is about to happen are locked onto my body. Come to think of it, my debut match was also here at Shinjuku FACE. Kabukicho is the only place that accepts any kind of loser. In fact, it's a place where the more of a loser you are, the more you shine. It's just like this pro-wrestling ring that accepted me when I was nobody...

Match

When Referee Nishinaga asks 'Shake hands?' after a body check of the two facing each other, Misao extends her right hand saying, 'Please!' Then, Sakai's monologue.I forgot that this opponent is a dangerous one who pretends to shake hands before a match, only to demand a microphone, curry favor with the audience with her signature speech, and then gain an advantage in the match. That was close, that was close.Sakai then requests, 'Microphone, please.' He gets the mic but freezes and cannot speak. Sakai's monologue.Huh? Now that I have the mic... I can't think of a single thing.Misao surprises the frozen Sakai with a toe kick, and the gong rings. As Misao removes her cape and chokes Sakai, Misao's monologue.You fool. To do a mic performance before the match and then get tongue-tied is the height of stupidity. Muscle Sakai, is this all you are?Misao continues to stomp him, and her monologue continues while she has his wrist.

——I have the tag tournament finals this weekend. My tag team, Kyoraku Kyomei, has been unable to win the championship for years, missing it by just one step. I absolutely want to win this year. For that reason, I can't afford to lose to a middle-aged wrestler like this here. However, this guy is big. Muscle Sakai, at 183cm and 128kg, is bigger than my next opponent, Max the Impaler. In other words, he's the perfect opponent for Impaler countermeasures. But the size difference is so great that I don't even know if my attacks are working. Or rather, his way of acting hurt is fake to begin with. He doesn't fight back at all; is he really motivated? Thinking that, I put even more strength into my clenched fist——

As Misao mounts him and lands punches, Sakai's monologue.

——Ahhh... these punches are pointlessly painful. They've been hurting for a while. It's common with female or smaller male wrestlers, but what's the deal with them punching and kicking bigger wrestlers without hesitation? Even if a wrestler is covered in thick flesh, the pain receptors themselves are distributed just under the skin, so it hurts just the same! Does this person really understand pro-wrestling? I'd really like to see the face of the person who taught this person pro-wrestling. Anyway, I'll just counterattack with something to get through the early exchanges safely——

When Misao tries to throw Sakai into the corner, Sakai reverses it into a corner lariat. He then whips her into the ropes and delivers a Hurricane Mixer. As Misao falls, her monologue begins.

——Damn it! To be countered by something like this! There's not a shred of technical skill, but the difference in weight and power is significant. However, what bothers me is Sakai's lack of motivation today. Is he looking down on me because I'm a junior a generation younger? No, or is he looking down on me because I'm a woman? Even if he's unmotivated, he's big and strong. It's pathetic that I'm so easily countered by such an opponent. No. I can't get discouraged. This ring should accept any kind of crap, right? I have a way to fight back too!——

Sakai whips Misao into the corner, aiming for a corner attack. Misao dodges and sprays something she had hidden into his face and both armpits. After a toe kick, she knocks him out of the ring and delivers an 'I Am a Hero' from the second rope. Here is Sakai's monologue.

——Suddenly blinded by some kind of mist, I was helplessly thrown out of the ring by a frail woman, and I caught her as she fell, barely saving her life. I don't know if it was right to stop her when she tried to jump off of her own volition. Perhaps the action I just took could be considered harassment...

Meanwhile, Sakai is rolled up in the apron side curtain. The monologue continues.

——Regardless of my own sense of justice, everything depends on how the other person perceives it. The more I think about it, the more I become unable to move. Ah, what a difficult era it is to do pro-wrestling. Even during a brawl outside the ring, wrestlers have to worry about their own aging body odor. It's really difficult. But wait? Am I... not that smelly today? Why is that... Eh! Could it be, by any chance, that the spray Misao-san used earlier was 'Shiseido Ag+'!? Wow! That's why the customers at ringside are still smiling like this! I thought Hyper Misao was just a subculture-loving mental-health-struggling girl, but she's actually quite thoughtful!——

Misao's monologue as she returns to the ring, ignoring Sakai who is left in a rolled-up mat state.

━━I can win! No, I've completely won! I beat that Muscle Sakai! CyberFight doesn't need two genius creative wrestlers! From now on, I, Hyper Misao, will take over as the successor who handles all of CyberFight's creative aspects, and I'll brag that the performance rights for slow motion and 'Muscle' were my own inventions! Besides, when you really think about it, this guy is a company president, he seems happy with a nice family, and he's successful as both a pro-wrestler and a local celebrity. Even in today's match, whether he wins or loses to someone like me, his reputation won't change. I can't afford to lose to a guy who just wrestles on the side while on a business trip! Take that!━━

However, Referee Nishinaga is not counting the outside count. When Misao protests, saying, "You're not counting!", Referee Nishinaga warns her about the foul, saying, "You did something like 'whoosh'! Wasn't there something dangerous in there?" Ignoring their squabble, Sakai escapes from the mat and gets behind Misao. Misao notices Sakai, and Sakai hits her with a toe kick. He follows up with a Verdict and then a Vertical Drop Lehman Shock. This is a two-count. However, perhaps due to exhaustion, Sakai's breathing becomes heavy, and he goes into a monologue.

━━Huff, huff, huff... My name is Muscle Sakai, and I am a pro-wrestler. I often hear negative opinions from narrow-minded pro-wrestling fans saying things like, 'He has no motivation,' 'He's not obsessed enough with winning or losing,' 'He's not serious about pro-wrestling because he's busy with the family business,' and 'That's why I don't recognize him as a pro-wrestler,' but actually, that's exactly right. Of course, I mute or block those people, but it's true.
Despite how I look, I have two annual commercial contracts. One of those companies has a strict governance system on the level of a financial institution, so I am prohibited from making violent remarks or provocative actions toward my opponent in any situation. No matter how much I'm provoked by an opponent, 'I'll kill you,' let alone 'I'll crush you' or 'F***ing goddamn,' are strictly prohibited by contract. Even when I invade the ring of another promotion, I bring a box of sweets, and meaningless violence is also prohibited, so for the past six months, I have clearly stated the reason and purpose for fighting to the audience before the match and carried out my duties after obtaining consent from both sides. But honestly, wrestling with this kind of tension isn't fun at all. I'm sick of this restrictive pro-wrestling life, and I can't talk to anyone about what's going on inside me like this. It's a story I have to keep only in my heart. For now, I'll just land one more move today, end this match, take a bath, drink a beer, and go to sleep.━━

Sakai says, "It's over!" and aims for a second Vertical Drop Lehman Shock. However, when Misao barely kicks out of the cover at two, she goes into a monologue.

━━My name is Hyper Misao, and I am a pro-wrestler. I have now taken two of Muscle Sakai's Vertical Drop Lehman Shocks and am in a near-death state. But I won't let myself lose to a guy who just makes excuses about commercial contracts and whatnot. Thinking back, it was November 20, 2020. I was planning to retire at this Shinjuku FACE after a match against Super Sasadango Machine. At the milestone age of 30, I intended to leave the public stage upon getting married. However, the world was in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic, and the entertainment industry, including pro-wrestling, was in a difficult situation due to movement restrictions and a mood of self-restraint. Pro-wrestling, in particular, has a closer relationship with the audience than other industries, so the impact was significant, and I hesitated to retire under such circumstances. Through a dialogue in the ring with Sasadango Machine, who saw through that hesitation, and my friends, I ended up retracting my retirement declaration that same day, announced my marriage, and have continued as an active wrestler until now. However, since then, I've felt like I have burnout syndrome, my match record has been lackluster, and last year was a series of misfortunes, including a fracture during an overseas tour in America. Before I knew it, I'm celebrating my 10th anniversary this year, yet I've never even held a belt. I feel like I could just drift along forever, titleless, unpopular, yet having a presence that is somehow there. Looking back this far, I've realized something. Ah, I see, the reason I'm disappointed in Muscle Sakai right now might be because I'm projecting myself onto him. I was the one who was being cowardly. I was the one who was saying 'no' to myself. Why did I decide to keep getting in the ring that day? What I admired, what gave me hope to live in this pro-wrestling... yes, wasn't it because I admired the figure of a pro-wrestler who exposes everything and continues to stand in the ring, even if they are uncool and human? Is this Muscle Sakai right now the sharp, chaotic Muscle Sakai I once admired? No, the Muscle Sakai I admired shouldn't have been a normal middle-aged man bound by compliance and governance like this. Losing to Muscle Sakai here would be denying my past self who chose the path of continuing as an active wrestler. Stand up, me!━━

Misao stands up and hits Sakai with an elbow. Sakai returns with an elbow, and they start trading blows. Sakai then knocks her down with a short-range lariat and kicks her, saying, "Stand up, ugly!" Sakai then says to Misao in his natural voice, "35 years old, Utashiro Misao! Despite being in the blessed position of being a married woman, your portraits don't sell, your autographs don't sell, you're always worrying about the size of the merchandise line, and even though you want to do various things, your ideas never come together, and you're always causing trouble for everyone by missing deadlines. Damn it! Subculture! Mental health issues! Old hag! Stand up, ugly! Try standing up, ugly!" He insults her, and when Misao stands up, he gives her the middle finger and says, "F*** you! I'll kill you! F***ing goddamn!" Then, Misao takes off her mask and throws it outside the ring. While Referee Nishinaga is distracted by this, Misao gives Sakai the middle finger, screams "F*** you!", and kicks him in the groin! When Referee Nishinaga returns, Misao makes him look away by saying "Ah!", and kicks Sakai in the groin again. Finally, she hits the I Am A Hero and gets the three-count.

Post-match microphone

After the match, Misao takes the microphone. "Sakai-san, you seem to be worried about compliance and governance and various things, but I like the prickly, slightly uncool Muscle Sakai who is all about compliance and governance. Don't become a normal adult! Don't become a boring adult! Keep making me admire you for the rest of my life!" Sakai takes the microphone thrown by Misao. "I really have signed an unreasonable contract where, despite being a pro-wrestler, I am absolutely forbidden from saying 'I'll kill you,' provoking my opponent, or giving the middle finger because of my commercial contracts. If I do, I have to return all the money I received from the customers, but, just between us, (omitted) it's a secret. It's all thanks to you, Hyper Misao." Finally, Misao concluded by saying, "Thank you so damn much! I'll release all my feelings about today on my X and other platforms later, so please read it."