"The True Self" and "Being Myself" - Things that don't matter, but actually do

I have written many times before about "the true self," "being myself," and "the difficulty of living" (Note). I would like to supplement and summarize these thoughts here once again.
This post will be categorized under the magazine titled "Extra Edition: I Read Such Books by Yassan".
(Note) "Extra: What is the True Self - Table of Contents"
"Extra: On "Being Myself" and "The Difficulty of Living" - Table of Contents"

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[Conclusion] Let's find relief
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1. The truth about the "true self" and "being myself" issue

I believe the issue of "the true self" and "being myself" arises when one is troubled by the feeling that the place they are currently in is not where their "true self" should be, or that they are in a place where they cannot express "being themselves."

This can be described as a state of being troubled by the feeling that one's environment does not match their "true self" or "being themselves," and that their true value is not being understood.

In other words, the standard of evaluation lies with others; it is a problem of the desire for approval.

The desire for approval, when flipped, is also a desire to approve of others, so it can be said to be a fundamental human desire to build positive relationships with others.

Nevertheless, why do the desires of the self—what we think is our "true self" and our wish to live "as ourselves"—clash with those around us?

As a first step toward exploring the reasons and finding a solution, I will next consider the true meaning of "the true self" and "being myself."

2. The truth about the "true self" and "being myself"

So, what exactly are "the true self" and "being myself"?

One way of thinking is that such things do not exist. While this may sound like an extreme argument, it is actually because they are submerged in the deepest parts of the self, in what could be called the realm of the unconscious.

In the process of growing up, we acquire various biases (habits of thought and prejudices). Furthermore, modern people are fed various data from media, including social media, and have become unable to tell where their "true self" lies.

Therefore, there is a strong possibility that what we believe to be our "true self" or "being ourselves" is actually something we were made to acquire by the environment in which we grew up. Also, since people have a tendency to select and take in information that suits their preferences, there is a strong possibility that we unconsciously construct such information obtained from the internet and media as our own values.

I think it is safe to consider that to be the true nature of "the true self" and "being myself."

3. Why the "true self" and "being myself" clash with those around us

The "true self" and "being myself" formed in the manner described above take on various shapes due to the abundance and diversity of information. This state is called the diversity of values.

On the other hand, what about the society, organizations, and groups that accept us?

If they are the kind that accept diverse values, there might be fewer conflicts with our own values.

However, Japanese society today is generally still uniform in its values, rigid, and has significant gender discrimination. There is also strong pressure to conform.

How should we, who hold diverse values, respond to such a society?

For those with high metacognitive abilities (the ability to reflect on oneself objectively), it might be possible to handle it on their own.

However, for those who strongly believe that their current self is their "true self" or "individuality," it is not easy to modify even a part of it.

As a result, their values clash with those around them, causing friction or turning inward as repression.

That is what I think.

4. Let's find relief - To a comfortable place

If someone who believes their current self is their "true self" or "individuality" is suffering from value conflicts with those around them, what can they do to find relief?

To that end, I believe the first step is to find a place where you feel comfortable.

A comfortable place (comfort zone) refers to an environment or state where you can spend time without feeling stress or anxiety. It is an area where you feel comfortable because you have a sense of security and can perform daily activities without taking risks.

Moving from where you are now to a comfort zone is the solution to the problem. If you feel uncomfortable, leave.

Specific methods include changing jobs, transferring departments, changing schools, etc. Or, leaving groups or friendships where you feel uncomfortable, and so on.

The criteria for choosing where to move to is not "what you like," but what you can do and what you are "good at."

So, when should you do this? I think you should consider doing it when you experience physical or mental changes. Or, even if it hasn't reached that point, when you are under strong stress.

Finally, even within a comfort zone, those who have the capacity may try to grow, and those who want to move forward may need to take a step out of their comfort zone. But that is a different story.

5. To those who cannot find relief

Even so, I think there are many people who cannot easily move elsewhere. There are various reasons, such as financial difficulties, lack of time, not knowing where to go, or feeling guilty toward those around you.

In such cases, it is not impossible to endure your current environment or try to change those around you. However, that is extremely difficult. Trying your best on your own is fine, but there is a risk that you will reach your limit.

At such times, I really want you to rely on others. Consult with parents, siblings, friends, or people you trust. Of course, those people may not necessarily be on your side. There is a possibility they won't do anything for you. But please don't give up; I want you to search for an answer that you can be satisfied with.

If that is also difficult, I think it is good to consult with experts or local government offices. However, there are also poor-quality psychiatrists and counselors, so it is necessary to research thoroughly and find a place that suits you.

Meeting people and seeking out those encounters is important.

Furthermore, when your heart is weak, you are easily taken advantage of by fake information on the internet, scams, crimes, and cult religions, so you must be careful.

6. Things that don't matter, but actually do

I am over 70 years old, I have had cancer, and now I am just waiting to die. So, things like my "true self" or "being myself" don't matter to me anymore.

But for those who are worried and suffering because of it, it does matter. I have struggled with it too.

Well, since getting older, I have become a bit grumpy and fond of preaching. Even though it's someone else's business, I can't help but feel like it's my own.

I would be happy if what I have written so far proves useful in some way.

In particular, I sincerely hope that no one will be tormented by feelings of self-denial and lose the will to live positively, leading to death.

Thank you for reading this far. I apologize for the long text.

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