Self-Introduction (From the Past to Encountering Side Hustle Note)

A return from the brink of retiring from life due to bullying

Nice to meet you.

I have lived a life that was a bit different from others,
filled with both painful moments and a few happy ones.

Recently, when I suddenly looked back on my life, I felt a mix of emotions—amazement that I had managed to recover this far, and a sense that I still need to work hard from here on out. This boosted my motivation, and with that momentum, I decided to share who I am 'now' and who I was 'in the past'.

From my student days onwards

I was bullied during high school.
That high school was a so-called prestigious sports school that even makes it to Koshien.
Many people go on to the professional world, and even now, when I watch baseball, my eyes reflexively go to that school's name (this has nothing to do with the students who bullied me).

The reason was quite simple: it was a combined junior and senior high school focused on sports.

I chose that high school as a safety school for my high school entrance exams.
From the day I failed my first-choice school and had no choice but to go there, my life began to go off the rails.
I knew absolutely no one from junior high, and the students on sports scholarships had already been meeting at club activities since the spring break after junior high graduation.
At the high school entrance ceremony, the only people I truly met for the first time in my class were myself and one other boy.
The bullying started on the second day of school.

I realized this after I became an adult over 20, but at that age, everyone is just terrified of being left out.
If there is even one target in the class, anyone will do; finding that person's weak point and gossiping about them is a way to deepen invisible bonds.
I was designated as that target.

The other boy transferred schools within a month of enrollment.

I could go on forever if I wrote it all down, but in the end, I also transferred schools
after the second-year school trip, so I was effectively enrolled for about one year and eight months.
During that time, the days were truly heart-wrenching just to remember.

Naturally, I wasn't allowed into the class group LINE,
and I remained an outcast, unable to fit into any group—not the so-called top-caste boys and girls on sports scholarships, nor the boys and girls who had been there since junior high.
Verbal abuse was a given, and having my belongings hidden was an everyday occurrence. Just by entering the classroom in the morning, I was mocked and laughed at, and for some reason, I was always the one chosen for class performances and made the school's laughingstock.

Every day on the subway ride home, I just kept wishing in my head that I wanted to die.
But on days when the popular kids in class talked to me a little, I used that as my motivation for the next day, praying for the impossible wish that I might be able to join their group, which gave me the vitality to live.

In the end, after time filled only with pain passed, I transferred to a correspondence high school.
I could feel intuitively that no matter how I struggled, I wouldn't be able to lead a good life,
so I thought about retiring from life and took action.
But I couldn't die.
I was too scared.

In a sense, I think that day was the moment that divided the first and second chapters of my life.

I changed my way of thinking, decided that my old self had died,
and resolved to enjoy the rest of my life as if it were overtime.
I thought, 'God must have given me this overtime in life out of concern for my past self.'

If so, I decided to cast aside the past and move forward as a new me,
and I just took action.
Since I had trauma regarding people, I worked part-time in customer service to overcome it while attending correspondence high school, and because I was interested in video, I posted videos on YouTube.
I also had a longing for movies, so I went from Hokkaido to Tokyo to take auditions and took exams many times.

And after graduation, I went to Tokyo and started working as an actor.

As always, the fear of the bullying from back then would flashback when I was with people my own age,
and I spent my days going to a psychosomatic clinic unable to have a proper conversation,
but only in the moments when I was in character during acting was I freed from that suffering,
and I gradually became stronger in both body and mind.

Thankfully, my YouTube channel exceeded 10,000 subscribers and my income increased,
and using the experience I gained through acting, I also worked as an actor's manager and scout.

I discovered note last year.

When I wrote about my thoughts and experiences on note—things I had been posting on X (Twitter) without much thought—it led to income, and I was able to start an online side hustle for the first time since YouTube.
I became able to earn an amount that, when combined with my main job's income, rivals that of my peers,
and before I knew it, I had become a person who could face life with a much more positive outlook than I had back then.

The things I experienced during my student days, what I learned in Tokyo, and the experience I gained through YouTube and note are all assets to me.
If you are currently struggling in life, if you are a student going through a hard time, if you are a parent with such a child, or if you are someone considering note or YouTube as a side hustle but don't know what to do,

I have the confidence that I have grown into someone who can meet the needs of various people,
so I would like to share information here from now on to be of benefit to you all.