The Melancholy of a 2D Misunderstood Idol
I want to go to the hair salon.
I also want to go to the dentist.
I want to get an MRI, too.
It's not that I want to run away.
I want to get myself properly groomed,
and I want to check if there's anything wrong inside my head.
But my body just stops.
At the hair salon's shampoo station,
I have to rest my neck, have my eyes covered, and stay still.
In that moment, fear washes over me.
The dentist is the same.
When they tilt my head back,
the world suddenly feels so small.
And an MRI?
It's cramped, noisy, and I'm strapped in.
My heart starts pounding.
What they all have in common is
having my head tilted back,
not being able to move,
and the feeling that I can't stop it myself.
“Wait, was I always this much of a scaredy-cat?”
“I was able to do these things just fine before.”
I have the desire to go.
Logically, I know it's necessary.
But my body reacts first.
This disconnect is exhausting.
Have I become weak?
Have I gotten worse than before?
But lately, I've been thinking.
Until now,
I was just pretending not to notice the fear
and pushing through it by enduring.
Now,
I'm actually feeling the fear,
and I'm properly acknowledging my own limits.
It's not that I can't do it anymore.
I've just stopped pushing myself too hard.
The hair salon, the dentist, the MRI—
it's not that I'm “not going,”
I'm just in the middle of finding a way to go with peace of mind.
The confused version of me
isn't slacking off,
and I'm not just being a coward.
I've just started
to stop treating myself poorly.
I'm sure that eventually,
I'll be able to go.
At my own pace,
and with my own sense of security.
And
I can't handle 3D attractions at Universal Studios either.
I can't handle high-performance planetarium screens either.
When things are too intense,
before I can even have fun,
I get dizzy.
It seems
it wasn't a mental issue for me,
but rather a physical one involving my semicircular canals.
When my vision moves wildly
while my body is unable to move,
my brain gets completely confused.
The shampoo station at the hair salon,
the dentist,
the MRI,
and 3D images,
they were all connected.
It turns out I'm not a scaredy-cat,
I just have a tendency to get motion sickness.
I realized it late,
but this
wasn't a story about blaming myself.
In other words, for me,
life is just right in 2D
Instead of forcing myself to be a "tough idol,"
I've decided to produce "peace of mind"
at my own pace.
So,
I'm looking for "requests" from everyone 🎀
So that Shigamin can feel at ease
and perform even more brilliantly,
I want to borrow your wisdom ♡
・"If you tell them this at the hair salon, it's easier"
・"I had them do this at the dentist"
・"Just like Shigamin, I actually..."
etc., any small thing is fine!
Everyone's comments
will become Shigamin's "Peace of Mind List."
I'm aiming to be the strongest "2D Misunderstood Idol,"
so I'm waiting for your advice (o^^o)
The fact that no one is watching means
wherever I am and whatever I do,
it's Shigamin's on-stage performance.
It's basically a private show!
Well then, see you later (*≧∀≦*)
#HowIFeelRightNow
#SemicircularCanals
#TryLikingThis