Come again, 25 years later

Do you know the song "come again" by m-flo?
I think it's probably the most famous song of their career.
The other day, I found a video on YouTube of the original members getting together to perform this song.

When I lit a cigarette under the kitchen fan and hit play, the energy from back then flooded in through the screen, and I felt something welling up in my chest.
Even after 25 years, it's still a song I love.

Whenever I listen to this song, I always get this very strange, peaceful feeling,
like I'm watching fluffy dandelion seeds swaying in the wind from far away.
The message of the song is actually quite simple.

It's like, "The guy I like won't even call me. So for now, I'll just dance until morning to get through the night."
That's a very rough summary, but that's basically it.
Normally, it's a dance beat song that's far removed from the word "peaceful."

But for me, it has the gentlest sound imaginable.
The year this song was released, 2001.

I was still a middle schooler in my prime as a brat.
When I first heard this song on a listening station at TSUTAYA, the sound and lyrics flowing through the headphones gave me such a shock that I thought,

"Adults dance the night away on Friday nights!? That's way too cool..."
I didn't look at the loneliness behind the lyrics; I just held onto that superficial image of glamorous adults dancing in a flashing club.
But if you read the lyrics carefully, you realize it's not just a "glamorous" world depicted there.

Then again, I was still in middle school.

I couldn't even imagine the loneliness of the city at night.
Back in the height of my puberty, there was a girl I liked.
That year on Valentine's Day, I was driven by the simple impulse to do something for her, so I gave her a cake.

Nowadays, there's a convenient term like "gyaku-choco" (reverse chocolate), but back then, there was no such excuse, nor was there a culture of men giving sweets.
I just had to find a way to give shape to my feelings.

But, well, I was a middle schooler.
The word "like" was too embarrassing to say, even if it killed me, right?

Pointless stubbornness and a little bit of pride got in the way.
In the lyrics of "come again",
“こっちからかけてもいいけど my pride gets in the way”

(I could call him myself, but my pride gets in the way)
This line was exactly me back then.
I was a minor who couldn't go to a club to dance the night away, nor could I drink alcohol.
Even so, the option of doing nothing didn't exist.

I think the feeling of "liking" someone that a middle schooler has is cruelly precious.
It's a bittersweetness so intense it makes your stomach churn and your jaw ache.

Carried away by that impulsive, momentary heat, I rode my bike through the cold midwinter wind to a nearby pastry shop.
I bought a small cake, put it in my basket, and headed for her house.

To keep the small candle flame of my impulse from going out, and to keep myself from cooling down in the winter chill, I kept "come again" on repeat on my MD Walkman.
But the moment I arrived in front of her house, the brave heart I had just a moment ago vanished into thin air.

I spent 30 minutes without the courage to ring the doorbell.

What if her parents came out?
What would I even say?

In the silence of the winter night, only the heavy bass from the MD echoed.
"I'll just go home."

Just as I was about to give up, she happened to come home.
It was fate, or maybe an accident.

I stopped the MD, suppressed my heart that was pounding in my chest, held out the cake, and said, "Here, for Valentine's."
Bluntly, just that.

Her voice saying "Thank you" felt pleasant to my cold ears.
That alone was enough; I was happy.

I didn't ask for an answer, and whatever I wanted to say became empty the moment I saw her face.
I still think that was fine.
I want to praise my past self.
You did well, I'd say.

What happened with that girl in the end?
It's a bit too unrefined to write about here, so maybe I'll write about it another time.

Now, 25 years later, I understand the meaning of the lyrics painfully well.
The reason why one has to dare to dance the night away on a Friday.

Even so, the reason this song sounds gentle is because this sound is etched as a set with the background of that winter that will never return.
The coldness of the winter air, the weight of the cake, the noise of the MD.

I don't think I have that pure "pride" of those days anymore.
That's precisely why that scenery is swaying quietly in the distance, like "fluffy dandelion seeds."

Still, listening to this in the middle of the night might have been a mistake.
The cigarette smoke stings my eyes and my chest feels restless.

I feel like dancing until morning too.
Keep me dancing, DJ, won’t you come again?