Straighten Up
I went out for tea with a friend I hadn't seen in a while.
In the middle of our status-update conversation, they suddenly asked, "So, what kind of person would you date?"
I laughed and said, "What kind of person? It's presumptuous of me to even think I'm the one doing the choosing."
They asked, "But you must have some kind of preference, right?"
I said, "I'm going to think about this really seriously, so give me five minutes," and fell silent to ponder.
I could hear the gears turning in a part of my brain I don't usually use.
It's not like telling my friend my type would actually change anything, but
when I thought about it, I realized I hadn't really considered it before.
If I had to say, I thought of someone who has a strong sense of self, but
it's not like it matters if I don't have that myself.
How about someone disciplined, then?
Someone as precise as a clock?
That might be a bit exhausting in its own way.
My vague image is someone who can keep themselves in a good mood.
But isn't that a prerequisite for being a full-fledged adult?
So I guess that's different from a 'type'.
During those five minutes, various conditions floated through my head and then faded away.
Oh, I found it.
My type.
Someone with good posture.
I like people who stand and sit with their backs straight.
Since my own posture is bad, I'm probably drawn to people who look dignified.
To give you an idea of how bad my posture is, I'm hunched over and walk slowly.
I walk listlessly at about 60 BPM.
Just slouching and shuffling along.
That's why I'm so drawn to people who walk briskly at about 180 BPM.
And those people usually have great posture.
I realized this because a trendy woman sitting at the next table, slouching, came into my field of vision.
Her back was so hunched that I wanted to use a kyosaku stick to make her straighten up!
I feel a real sense of camaraderie with her, and I totally understand how she feels, though.
But we're talking about my 'type' here.
And I think this is something I'm drawn to regardless of gender.
When I see an older man with bad posture, I think he looks sloppy, but
when I see an older man with good posture, I feel something close to admiration, thinking he looks cool.
So I'm going to straighten my back to improve my own posture, too.
I'll look just like an ostrich.
Should I practice walking while moving my head back and forth?
If that doesn't work, my worst-case scenario is to aim for a Brachiosaurus.
Some of you might have noticed by now that I've written this far, but
it's a secret that my simple-minded logic is that I'll be fine as long as I stretch my neck.
By the way, when I told them my type was someone with good posture, they just scoffed and brushed it off, saying, "That's so you."
Even though I spent five minutes thinking about it really seriously.
I could hear my brain quietly stalling.