Discipline is a 'temporary support' until a child becomes independent, and it is meant to 'gently guide them in the right direction'
Thank you for visiting again today.
Yesterday, I visited the headquarters of 'audiobook' for a meeting with its chairman, with whom I hit it off at a forum for the monthly magazine 'Shijukukai' where I write a series. We had a lively discussion about 'listening,' which is the starting point of education, and it is truly enjoyable to converse with someone who shares the same sensibilities, ideas, and philosophy.
He has a background of going from a deviation score in the 30s at a combined junior and senior high school to the University of Tokyo, and his educational theory is fully informed by his own experiences.
Human growth and development are often compared to flowers. The plum blossoms that bloom ahead of the cherry blossoms make us feel spring even in the cold. And then, the cherry blossoms bloom after that. Each flower has its own time to bloom. Although there are differences in being early or late.
Today's theme is 'discipline' (shitsuke). I believe this 'discipline' has two meanings. The chairman of 'audiobook' I introduced earlier apparently made a fresh start and desperately kept reading textbooks aloud for his entrance exams. That experience became the hint for 'audiobook'.
The first 'discipline' is literally 'discipline' as in 'continuing to do something.' There are many things that can be gained by continuing.
The second 'discipline' is 'shitsuke' (written as 躾, meaning to cultivate beauty in one's person, and 仕付け, meaning basting/tacking). I feel that the depth of these words, the delicate heart and expression of the Japanese people, and the meaning of raising, guiding, and letting someone leave the nest are all contained here.
The hands of a parent watching over a child's growth are like 'basting threads' (shitsuke-ito) used temporarily while tailoring. They shape things out of sight, support the heart, and in the end, are gently removed.
There is not only the same sound but also a deep connection of the heart between 'basting' (shitsuke) and 'discipline' (shitsuke).
'Basting threads' and 'discipline' are words born from the same heart
'Basting threads' are the temporary threads used to hold the shape together when sewing clothes or kimonos. From this 'basting' (shitsuke), the word 'discipline' (shitsuke), which shapes a person's conduct and heart, was born.
Both share the common function of 'shaping,' and they have a deep affinity in that they do not suppress from the outside, but rather
cultivate a 'beautiful form' within.
Let's compare a child's growth to a piece of fabric, just as we support a child with 'basting threads.' A fabric that is still soft, supple, and has no fixed direction.
The parent's 'basting threads' are passed through it.
Preventing misalignment - Gently indicating the right direction
Just as basting threads prevent fabric from shifting, a parent's words and attitude play the role of gently supporting so that the child's heart does not waver significantly. The important thing is 'not to sew it on tightly.' It is to guide gently, as if basting temporarily.
Shaping - Cultivating beauty through habits
Daily greetings, words of gratitude, posture, and table manners. These are all like basting that shapes a child's 'form as a person.'
It is not an imposition, but a way of raising by shaping.
Setting markers - Guidelines for living
Basting threads serve as markers for sewing lines or fold lines. A parent's back and their daily way of life are markers for the child. Teaching by 'example' rather than words—that might be true 'discipline.'
Removing them at the end - The moment of completion called independence
When the garment is finished, the basting threads are removed. That is proof that 'it can now hold its shape on its own.' When a child leaves the nest, the parent's 'basting threads' are also quietly removed. That is letting go with love. It is the final chapter of discipline.
The meaning of the word 'adding beauty to the body'
The kanji for 'discipline' (躾) is written with 'body' (身) and 'beauty' (美). In other words, discipline is adding beauty to the body. It is not just about etiquette, but about embodying a 'beautiful way of life' within a person.
Supporting and shaping from out of sight like basting threads,
and then, when the time comes, quietly removing them—.
Such 'discipline' is what brings true freedom and independence to a child.
Conclusion - Discipline is the invisible seam of love
Because there are basting threads, a beautiful garment is finished. Because there is discipline, beauty dwells in a child's heart. But those threads will eventually be removed.
When you remove them, what remains is not a 'scar,' but 'warmth'.
Like a basting thread, support them gently, and eventually, let go quietly.
That may be the best form of discipline a parent can give a child.