A story about how a weakness was slightly eased by a "trigger."

Contrary to my previous article,
I'm going to write about "things I'm not good at."

Just as children have things they struggle with,
I also have things I'm not good at.


One of them is speaking in front of people.

In elementary school, there was a category for "summarizing points to speak to others," and every year I got a checkmark for "needs improvement" lol.
Seeing that, I remember thinking even more, "I guess I'm really bad at speaking."

I probably barely spoke at school during my elementary years. Though at home, I think I talked so much that people wondered if I ever stopped lol.

Then came middle school.
I started talking a bit more and my circle of friends expanded.
But there was always some kind of discomfort,
and I remember writing my daily frustrations in a diary or venting them to my family.

With that "I'm bad at speaking" idea still somewhere in the back of my mind, I became a high school student.
I can't remember at all what triggered it...

but early on after enrolling,
someone as unathletic as me joined the basketball team lol🏀
Incredibly strict practice. Intense exercise.

Everything was something I had never done before.
I was bad at speaking, and bad at sports.
I was convinced I couldn't do many things and lacked confidence.

However, as I practiced every single day,
maybe I gained some endurance, because I ended up placing 4th in my grade among the girls in the long-distance run... and I even started to like the annual sports tests.

During basketball practice, some teammates would say, "Don't be so goofy!" (I definitely wasn't being goofy; I was always giving it my all, you know?😇),
and every meeting was filled with tears as we each shared our opinions, which somehow really toughened up my mental state.

At one point, I and my basketball teammates
decided to run for student council...
and somehow, I introduced myself in front of the whole school and ended up becoming the vice president.

What happened to you?😀

I, who was extremely bad at speaking in front of people.
I, who couldn't summarize points to speak.
I, who was so prone to nervousness.

At the sports festival, I stood alone on the podium,
holding a microphone and saying things like, "We will now begin the XXth Sports Festival!"...

I lived a life that was truly astonishing.

"Speaking in front of people"—perhaps the consciousness of being bad at it, or the lack of confidence that I was "not good enough," had eased.

The sports festival cheering squad, which none of my close friends joined. In the past, if my close friends weren't there, I would have thought, "Who would I practice with? It's too nerve-wracking, so I'll pass." That was me.

But this time, I thought that if I could see my favorite upperclassman, I would join the cheering squad, mixing in with girls from groups I didn't usually talk to much.

I'd rather regret doing it than regret not doing it.

That was my mindset.

As a result, during practice, I couldn't fully fit in with the girls from the other groups, and there were times I felt, "Ah, this is tough." But I became closer to them than before.

Anyway, I was just so happy to see my favorite upperclassman at night practice that I was glad I joined~ lol!

At the school festival, I also volunteered for the Soran Bushi dance...
and for the volunteer performances, I danced on stage with my friends...

I think I was completely over capacity,
cramming morning practice, night practice, and this and that into my schedule😇
But whether it was youth or something else, I managed to get through it all...

To a degree unimaginable to my elementary school self,
I had gained the strength to stand on various stages, speak in front of people, and challenge myself to new things.

For me, joining the basketball team was the trigger that broadened my world🌏

It led to confidence, thinking, 'Even someone like me can manage! Maybe I can do this. Let's try everything!'

The deeply rooted nervous part of me is still firmly there, and my personality of worrying about others and overthinking remains the same.
Now that I'm an adult, just having to speak one by one at a nursery school parent-teacher meeting makes my heart race, and I get so nervous I can barely breathe, thinking, 'What should I say? Everyone else has a punchline to their stories—they're so funny... what should I say?😭'

Where did that courage from my student days go?😇

But, I want to tell my children.

Mommy has so many things she's not good at, too. But you know, thanks to various triggers.
I gained a little bit of confidence. I realized I could do it too.
The thought that 'maybe I can' made my weaknesses loosen up just a little.
(Even though I'm such a klutz, haha🦥)

So, you guys can take it slow, really slow.
It'll be okay🍵

Lastly, there is one more thing I'm not good at.
That is“tidying up”...
I'm not sure if this counts as a weakness, though.

With a mindset of 'I have to do this, I have to do that, I'll do it all together later,' before I know it, things pile up here and there😇
There are days when it looks tidy at a glance, but... when I open the storage doors,

Yikes!!!

What a mess.

I still haven't put the ultrasound photos of my three children into an album... (Wait, what?)
The unfinished tasks are piling up, and I've been feeling uneasy about it for a long time. (Just get it done already)
I'm writing this here to tell myself!!!!!!!!!!!

I will break out of my shell of being bad at tidying up and get things organized💪

Thank you for your hard work this week🍡🍵