The Wave of the Gang Age: What a Former Teacher Mom Feels About Her Son's Struggles

Hello!

For the past few days, I have been
feeling heartbroken...

The other day, I talked about
the "Devil's June."

I wonder if this is
a sequel to that???

My eldest son, a third grader,
is facing
a major hurdle.

It is the wave of the gang age.

What is the gang age?

Around the third or fourth grade of elementary school,
children start to become
more aware of their peers (groups)
than their parents.

In psychology, this is called
the gang age.

• Becoming independent from parents and forming groups with their own rules
  

• Starting to compare themselves with others and beginning to show exclusive behavior
  

• While it is a sign of mental growth, it also leads to an increase in interpersonal conflicts
  

During my time as a teacher,
I witnessed many
dynamic changes
in children of this age.

This is an important growth step that everyone goes through, but...

When it comes to my own child,
as a parent,
it is also a time
when you are confronted with a reality
that can be heart-wrenching.

Changes in his surroundings and my son's struggles

Recently, it seems that something like a "caste system"
has started to form
around my son as well.

He says there are times when an atmosphere develops
where children who mature early
make fun of
someone's appearance or traits.

But...
I have felt since my teaching days that children who act that way
are actually
envious of the other personwhich often starts withjealousy.

Being good at studying,
taking many lessons,
being fast at running,
being tall,
having nice things...

Even if adults might feel
"Is that all?!"
about such
trivial things,in the world of children,

they become major triggers for jealousy.

Children cannot choose their own innate appearance or the family they are born into.

Since they were born into our family!
I want to raise them without hardship,
with plenty of love!

That is a parent's earnest wish.

But when children go out into the outside world (school)
and compare themselves to others,
their hearts can suddenly
become unfulfilled.

No matter how much love they are raised with,
if that emotional balance is even slightly distorted,
they can easily lose their way.

Since becoming a parent, I have been painfully reminded again that children are
simple, pure, and
fragile creatures.
I feel this deeply.

Amidst such rough waves,
my eldest son is
the gentle type, if anything.

When he is teased unreasonably,
he doesn't talk back or get into fights.

He says "Stop it" clearly, and
if that doesn't work,
he quietly walks away from the situation.

When I heard this from my son,
my heart ached intensely.

At the same time,
I felt proud of my child, thinking,
"What a wonderful and correct way to act!!!"

But his heart is wavering.

"If I keep just walking away like this,
I might end up all alone..."

Due to his anxiety about the unknown future,
lately,
the number of days he has been
emotionally unstable has increased.

The Parent's Struggle: "I want to give them a piece of my mind"

As a mother,
just listening to his story
makes me feel incredibly frustrated.

I have the honest urge to storm into the school or park and

give those kids a piece of my mind!?
Haha, that's the truth.

But that wouldn't
help my son
build his own strength.

What I am doing now is simply
thoroughlyempathizingwith my son's feelings,
letting himbe spoiledto his heart's content at home,
andhelping him calm his heart.

That is all.

I will not tell the school.
Even if I did,
it would just add to the teacher's workload, haha.
And even if the teacher stepped in,
it might solve things
on the surface for a few days,
but it would just happen again.

At this stage, telling the school
would not solve anything at all.

I won't tell the other parents either.
I am in a position where I could contact them.
But I don't think telling the parents
would lead to any real solution
either.

Every family has their own
way of thinking and their own
approach.

As for our family's philosophy,
rather than asking things of those around us,
I want him to change himself.

That is why
I ask nothing of the school, the other child, or their parents.
(Though in my heart, I'm thinking, 'Damn it!' haha.)

For a child,
the school where they spend most of their day
looks like their entire world.

If relationships within the class
aren't going well,
it is only natural for them to feel
as if it's the end of the world and fall into despair.

But,
in reality, the world extends far beyond school,
and no matter what happens,
they have a home that will always be on their side.

For the past few days,
I have been repeating this to him.

Even with my knowledge as a former teacher,
when it comes to my own child,
I find it truly difficult...
that is how my days have been.

The strength to be okay with being different from others

Because I cannot
fight his battles for him!

The strength to think,
'It's okay to be different!'
The resilient strength
not to be swallowed by unreasonable waves.

I hope that from now on,
he will gradually
acquire that strength.

The devilish month of June,
to all the moms and dads across the country,
you are doing such a great job!!!!!

Let's eat something delicious at home,
and keep our children's home
a safe base♡

Thank you so much
for reading until the end🐬