My freedom begins with things that are meaningless and useless.

If you don't know what you want to do, you can roll a die to decide.

These words were spoken by Kenichiro Mogi on his YouTube channel.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3yalkzKy2xo

He said, 'Instead of sitting still and worrying, you can read the book in front of you; just keep moving. You only need to let your thoughts wander while you are on the move. Keep immersing yourself in what is right in front of you—that is the "flow state".'

Even though they are simple words,
I finally felt like I truly understood them.

The nameless fear I carried at age three

I have always been a "lazy person." To be precise, I didn't know what I should do or why I was born, so I spent decades worrying and feeling stuck, unable to move.

My oldest memory is from when I was three years old. "What am I?" "Where am I?" "Why am I here?" These questions were swirling around in my head, making a constant noise.

Back then, I didn't have the vocabulary to organize my feelings,
and I was being tossed about by a mix of anxiety and fear.

Even as an adult, I couldn't find the answer. "If I don't even know who I am, there's no way I can know what I should be doing..." I couldn't find the energy to do anything,
and my only goal became just to finish the day safely.

The 'slave programming' installed by age eight

Why was I unable to move for so long? Recently, I finally realized the true cause.

It was the work of the "brain programming" that was formed by the time I was seven.
"Don't do anything meaningless." "Don't do anything useless." "Anything that doesn't make money is not worth doing."

My life was unknowingly dominated by this program. To live, to eat, to stay safe. I was thinking like a "slave for survival," chasing only efficiency and meaning, and stopping in my tracks at questions that had no answers.

It's okay if it's meaningless. We are free, without limits.

But I will no longer follow that program. Because after half a century, I have finally realized it.

Whether it has meaning or not, before worrying, just do what is in front of you. Read the book you want to read. If you really can't think of anything, it's fine to roll a die to decide. Try enjoying the state of "always doing something" itself.

When I decided that, I felt a warmth deep in my heart. When I was able to think, "It's okay to prioritize my own small curiosities," I felt, though I can't explain it well, that we are loved to the core, and I was convinced of it without needing any logic.

I was free. And in truth, everyone is free, without limits.