To those who evaluate themselves every time they do something | Just for tonight, put it back in the drawer

Give your heart a moment of breathing room.

Hello, I'm Yukino.

On my way home from work, I sometimes suddenly notice how I'm walking.

My shoulders are hunched forward, my gaze is lowered, and I'm walking while looking only at my feet.

I don't know when it started.
But before I knew it, I had passed through the ticket gate, and I felt as if I had finished grading something again today.

Was that enough?
Were those words correct?
Did I move forward today compared to yesterday?

There is a ruler inside my heart.

Measuring things every time I encounter them has become a habit before I realized it.

To my emotions.
To how I spent my day off.
To the aftertaste of a conversation with someone.

That night, when I opened the drawer, there were some stationery items I'd had for a long time.

A slightly yellowed eraser.
A ballpoint pen that no longer writes.
And a ruler that had grown short.

I took them out and held them in my palm.
　

It's light.
　

I've been holding something this light up to everything all this time.

A ruler is a tool for measuring things that can be measured.
Even if you hold it up to something that has no length, it doesn't come up as zero.
It's just that nothing is visible.
　

I have been directing questions that have no answers toward myself for a long time.
While blaming myself again for not getting a number.

But the fact that it couldn't be measured was not a deficiency.
I was just holding a ruler up to things that cannot be measured.

I thought that if I could measure things, I would know where I stood.

Even so, when I measured on nights when I was truly tired, I couldn't see anything.
Only the ruler in my hand felt painfully clear.

If you feel like putting it back somewhere tonight.

You don't have to throw it away.
You don't have to break it.
It's enough to just gently put it away in the drawer.

If you want to use it again tomorrow, you can.

Carrying things that cannot be measured, you were here again today.

The drawer and your palms both know about that night.

Even if you do not bloom, you are beautiful.

Yukino

[Welcome to Cocomichi's 'Library of the Heart']

I hope this article has brought even a little bit of space to your heart.
At 'Cocomichi,' I hope to continue delivering peace of mind and small realizations.

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