[Age-Gap Romance] Natural dates that bridge the distance with a younger woman. Small tips I learned from failure🍀

💡A story about how the dates where I tried to "show off my good side" were the ones that didn't go well.

“Is this restaurant okay... I have to entertain her.”
“I need to act like an older, reliable man...”

I’ve had many dates where I tried too hard like that and ended up spinning my wheels.

But when things went well,
it was always on days when I let my guard down.

Hello, this is Yorimaru.

I am revising and adding my current insights and thoughts to an article that many people have read.

In the previous article,
I introduced 5 "pitfalls" based on my own failures under the theme of "Why do age-gap romances fail?"
If you haven't read it yet,

please be sure to read it as well↓

The theme this time is,
I will talk about "dates where you can naturally get along even with an age gap."

I don't want to fail on a date.

Because this one time might determine the future of our relationship.

For some reason, that’s when things don't go well...

I have had that experience many times too.

So, what should I have done?
Let's look at the rest together.

I will talk based on my true feelings and experiences.

“Who are you in the first place?”

For those who thought that,
please let me talk a little about myself.

🍀My past romantic experiences (a brief self-introduction)

So far, I have had
a woman 19 years my senior, an ex-wife 8 years my senior, women my own age,
and my current wife who is 18 years younger than me,
experiencing romances with various age gaps.

Of course, I have also had experiences that didn't go well.

Moreover, I am a divorcee with 3 children and financial issues...
The reason I was able to build a relationship despite that background.

It is because,
rather than techniques like "do this and it's OK!"
I have experienced many failures where "doing this creates distance."
First, "be seen as a man."

Just doing that will close the distance in the relationship.
I will talk about the conversations and ways of interacting that lead to that,

based on my actual experiences.
I hope that what I talk about here

will be a hint for someone.

🍀Why do we feel nervous when dealing with someone younger?

The reason why everything—choosing a restaurant, conversation—becomes a source of anxiety.

When you go on a date with a woman you are interested in,
you naturally want to be liked more.
But if that person is "much younger,"

you tend to get tense, thinking "I have to do this right" or "I can't fail."
That’s because
you might be a little proud of the fact that

"I am a man who can be with a younger woman."
Honestly, that feeling
might have been somewhere inside me.

That is precisely why I wanted to get a proper relationship.
...Thinking that, I would end up trying to act like a cool version of myself.

I myself have had the experience of trying too hard like that and becoming awkward.

But in reality, if you approach it with the mindset of "it's okay if I fail," the conversation flows naturally and it even becomes a funny story.
That actually makes the other person feel relieved.

In fact, that atmosphere leads to the reason why they think "I want to see him again."
Not for the eyes of others, but

"What kind of time do I want to spend with this person?"

I believe it is important to properly face that.

🍀Being too concerned vs. being considerate—what is the difference?

“I understand” is the greatest weapon.

When it comes to a date with someone younger,
you inevitably become too self-conscious.

“I have to lead properly like an older man.”
But "I should also try to accommodate her..."

A date where such conflicts go around in circles.

You can imagine how the atmosphere becomes awkward, right?
If you are only worried about the other person's reaction,

you won't know what to say...
and you won't be able to talk.
But when things go well,

it's when you aren't even thinking about trying to do well.
Regardless of gender, take a genuine interest in what the other person is saying,

and react naturally, like saying "Yeah, that's right."
Isn't this something you hear often as a technique lately?
Furthermore, after that, add the words "I understand" or "I get it."

Just adding this one phrase makes a completely different effect.

Because you can directly give them the sense of security that "I am understood" right there on the spot.
Furthermore, if you ask questions about things you were a little curious about,

the conversation will start to flow more and more,
and the woman will talk with peace of mind.

From here on, I will talk about what I actually did,
and what I realized from that.

🍀What I actually did and what I failed at

■What I actually did
During dates, I made sure to be the one to suggest bathroom breaks or rest stops first.
Because, in the atmosphere before you become close,

I think there are times when it's hard for a woman to say "I need to use the restroom..."
So I would say,
"Should we stop by the restroom?" or ask "Shall we take a little break?"

If she asks me "Aren't you tired?"
I would take a break with her even if I wasn't tired.
I think the accumulation of such small considerations

leads to a sense of security and trust.


■Failure ①: Regarding leading


Speaking of failures,I have been told,"You don't really take the lead much"

"You might be a little unreliable."
I thought that accommodating the other person as much as possible
was kindness.
I was a little afraid to

take the lead or express my opinions.
Because I have high empathy, I couldn't lead well.

Strengths and weaknesses are truly "two sides of the same coin."
I became conscious of not letting my weaknesses stand out,

and started covering for them by developing my strengths.


■Failure ②: The balance of money



Another thing is about the cost of dates.Since I am older, I should naturally pay.Thinking that,

at the beginning, I paid for everything myself.

But actually, that can sometimes be the reason why a relationship doesn't progress to romance.

This is something I have been consulted about, but
there are not a few situations where they feel

"Are we dating for money?"

So, should we split the bill?
If you ask that, it's also difficult.
But you will understand as you meet a few times.

The other person will say "I'll pay sometimes too."
Also, you become a relationship where you can talk about "what form is natural" for the two of you.

There, you can also see if

this is a person you feel comfortable with.

🍀A relationship chosen by both—summary

Up until now,
I have spoken as the one being chosen.

But can we also spend time comfortably?
We are also the ones choosing.

Finding a "balance where both can spend time comfortably"
while talking to each other.

I think that kind of relationship
is the secret to lasting a long time.

As you get older,
you tend to get caught up in "how things should be."
But there is no absolute correct answer.

There are as many "correct answers" as there are people,
and it is better to be natural than to try to do things well.

Accepting everything isn't being natural, and
asserting yourself without restraint doesn't build trust.

Your own feelings, and consideration for the other person,
cherish both.

Within that balance,
I think comfort and trust will grow.

Thank you for reading this far.
If you felt even a little bit that you "understand," I would be very encouraged if you could react with a like, follow, or comment.

I hope that a just-right natural state

will visit your romance too🍀

🍀Notice

🟢I am accepting [1-month free relationship consultations]
for a limited time until July 31st.

"How can I be natural?"
"I want to face the other person, but I don't know how to talk to them."
This is a relationship consultation for those people.

If you feel even a little bit like "I want to talk,"
please take a look here↓

🟢[You can read 90% for free]
Why don't you end the cycle of ending up as just a "nice guy"?

・Why am I not considered a romantic partner?
・How can I be chosen despite the age gap?
・I reveal concrete actions from my experience of remarrying a wife 18 years younger than me.

In the paid section, I explain "concrete steps to become a man who is chosen."

Please be sure to read it as well↓

The article I rewrote this time is here↓